Amber Portwood: I Almost Killed Myself After Having My Baby!

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It's no secret that Amber Portwood has had a rough life.

We've been seeing snippets of it for years on Teen Mom OG.

She's dealt with drug addiction, mental illness, abusive relationships (from both sides).

She's even gone to prison.

Yep, she's definitely been through some things, you know?

Including, after giving birth to her second child earlier this year, postpartum depression so severe that she nearly committed suicide.

1. What a Ride

What a Ride
Poor Amber, right? Well, sometimes.

2. What a Tragedy

What a Tragedy
Amber sure has been through a lot, including the deaths of her little sister and her father. She also struggles with being bipolar and having borderline personality disorder.

3. Wow

Wow
She's also assaulted her ex-boyfriend, Gary Shirley, at least once in front of their daughter, Leah.

4. Yikes

Yikes
That assault led her to be sentenced to five years in prison. Well, that and drugs.

5. Double Yikes

Double Yikes
After serving a portion of her sentence, she was released, and she really seemed to have changed a lot. Then Matt Baier creeped his way into her life, and things were bad for a couple of years again.

6. Thank God

Thank God
She miraculously realized just how big a creep he was, and last year she kicked him to the curb after they filmed Marriage Boot Camp together.

7. Hmmm ...

Hmmm ...
Coincidentally, she met Andrew Glennon on Marriage Boot Camp, and within a couple of months, she was pregnant and he was living with her.

8. TRIPLE Yikes

TRIPLE Yikes
Turns out Andrew has a shady history, just like Amber and most people in her life. Two exes got restraining orders against him because he allegedly acted like a stalker after their breakups, and he's had gun charges and a DUI, too.

9. Ah, Well

Ah, Well
But hey, sometimes people change, and felons need love too, right? Amber could definitely do worse.

10. Awww!

Awww!
In May, Amber gave birth to a baby boy they named James Glennon, after Andrew's late father.

11. What a Difference

What a Difference
And, as we've seen on Teen Mom OG, Amber actually seems to be stepping up to be a decent mother this time around.

12. A Conundrum

A Conundrum
It's hard not to point out how different she is with James when we all saw how bad Leah's life was when she was a baby, but Amber's made it clear that it's hard for her to have those differences pointed out.

13. Well ...

Well ...
She's been extremely sensitive lately whenever anyone dares to mention that perhaps she could be more present in Leah's life -- remember when she went off after it came out that she only saw her twice during her entire summer vacation last year?

14. So Much Criticism

So Much Criticism
More recently, last month she celebrated Leah's birthday on a day that wasn't her actual birthday, and some fans of the show wondered if that meant that she didn't care enough about her daughter to spend her real birthday with her.

15. Why?

Why?
"Everything I've been doing is all I can do. I can't go and steal my daughter. I'm there for my daughter whenever she needs me," she said in a rant on Instagram.

16. Every Day

Every Day
"I talk to her every day," she continued. "Any time she wants to see me she can see me unless she wants to hang out with her friends. Leah told me today that today was one of the best days of her life to me and it's like I go online and get so much hate. I feel like I am getting bullied."

17. Her Image

Her Image
"The show has seriously ruined my image as a mom when the truth hasn't even been put out there. I have such a great relationship with her."

18. Whoa

Whoa
She said that she's seriously considering quitting the show because of how negatively she's portrayed and how much hate she gets.

19. Too Much

Too Much
In another rant, she told her hateful Twitter followers that "You guys are the reason people commit suicide."

20. Oh No

Oh No
And in a heartbreaking sneak peek for next week's episode, it seems that Amber honestly was close to killing herself.

21. Oh, Amber ...

Oh, Amber ...
The clip begins with Amber talking to her cousin, Krystal, and she tells her "He didn't accept that I had postpartum [depression] in any way," presumably talking about Andrew.

22. SAD

SAD
"I just didn't know what it felt like because I had never experienced, like, that before," she continues.

23. Different

Different
Krystal asked her how Andrew's been helping her, and Amber admits that things have "definitely been different" in their relationship.

24. Relatable

Relatable
She says that they're not as affectionate with each other as they used to be, and that they've been tired and stressed out, which is pretty much just how it is for couples when they have a new baby, but she also says that some of the stress comes from how depressed she's been.

25. The Confession

The Confession
And then she tells her that "There was a night that I was waiting for him and James to go to bed so I could kill myself."m

26. Thank Goodness

Thank Goodness
Thankfully Andrew was able to tell something was off with her, and he refused to go to bed that night and leave her alone.

27. Not Good

Not Good
They both start crying, and Amber explains that "It was not feeling good to go and do things. It doesn't feel good to be alive right now."

28. So Many Tears

So Many Tears
"And I have people saying to me, like, why couldn't you do this for Leah?" she cries. "It was like, I was young and stupid."

29. Thanks, Depression

Thanks, Depression
Krystal tells her that she shouldn't care what other people think, and that how she's feeling is normal for people with depression, but Amber replies "I just don't wanna be like that for the rest of my life."

30. Reaching Out

Reaching Out
She says she did reach out to Catelynn since she went through such a similar situation last year and she was the only person she felt she could understand what she's going through.

31. Sympathy

Sympathy
It's unclear if what she says next is something Catelynn told her or just her own feelings, but she says "It's like, god, what else can you just throw at me, let me be for just a little bit, please."

32. Poor, Poor Amber ...

Poor, Poor Amber ...
The clip ends there, but what we saw was more than enough to tell that Amber was in a really, really bad place when it was filmed. And judging by the things she's been saying on social media, it seems like she's still in a bad place. So let's just wish her the absolute best, OK?

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Amber Portwood
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Amber Portwood Biography

Amber and Leah (Teen Mom)
Amber Portwood is a star on MTV's Teen Mom. She is the mother of Leah Leann Shirley, whose father is Gary Shirley, Amber's on-off fiance... More »
Birthplace
Anderson, Indiana
Full Name
Amber Portwood