13 Reasons Angelina Jolie is the Antichrist

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Did you know that Satan has an alias?

Oh yes, it's "Angelina Jolie."

She also goes by Beezlebub, Evil One, Leviathan, Lucifer, and so on and so forth. By any name, she is the Antichrist. Don't believe us?

The proof is in her whole life's work ...

1. She was into knife-play at 14 years old

She was into knife-play at 14 years old
When Jolie was a mere 14 years old, she would engage in knife-play with her live-in lover. She said, "You're young, you're drunk, you're in bed, you have knives; shit happens." She claimed she was all about that S&M life, and she and her boyfriend would "scratch" each other with the knives.

2. She's done every drug under the sun, but slams Pitt for pot and alcohol

She's done every drug under the sun, but slams Pitt for pot and alcohol
In an interview with the Sunday Times, Jolie advised the paper that she'd "tried every drug under the sun," including heroin and cocaine. Hypocrite much?

3. Girl's in deep with the Illuminati

In perhaps the most horrifying, non-sensical video you've ever seen, Jolie discusses the Illuminati, nipple twisting, being tied down or going "mad," and sacrificing her pet snake. We don't know where she's going with this, but it's scary as hell.

4. She wore her ex-husband's blood in a vial around her neck

She wore her ex-husband's blood in a vial around her neck
Vampirism? Hemophiliac? Anemic? Antichrist? We don't know, but that time Angelina Jolie wore Billy Bob Thornton's blood in a vial around her neck was pretty damn creepy, wasn't it? It was also reported that when the two divorced, Jolie asked for five of her own vials of blood back so that Thornton wouldn't be able to "curse" her. Yikes.

5. She reportedly keeps her kids' bloody bandages

She reportedly keeps her kids' bloody bandages
According to a report by In Touch, Jolie saves her kids' used bandages and puts them in a jar. Who knows why. Maybe to hex them when they're misbehaving teenagers or something, we don't know, but if that's true, it's terrifying.

6. That weird electric attraction between her and her brother

That weird electric attraction between her and her brother
In perhaps the most inappropriate brother-sister relationship in Hollywood, Angelina Jolie has always been thisclose to her look-alike brother, James Haven. If the above photo weren't indication enough that things are a little strange between the two, she's been pictured kissing him fully on the mouth - for long periods of time - in the past. Maybe she's just that egotistical that it's as close as she can get to making out with herself. Gross.

7. That reported drug dealer video

Angelina was reportedly caught on tape at a drug den. In a video obtained by The National Enquirer, provided by a man who identified himself as Jolie's former drug dealer, Angelina paces around an apartment, talks nonsense on the phone, and looks positively emaciated and wasted. Frightening.

8. She helped break up the marriage between America's Sweethearts

She helped break up the marriage between America's Sweethearts
We're not Jennifer Aniston fans anymore than we're Angelina Jolie fans, but the fact is, Jennifer Aniston doesn't seem like an unhinged lunatic, biding her time till it's time to freak the hell out on an unsuspecting person. Jolie was absolutely part of the demise of Brad and Aniston's marriage - same as Pitt was instrumental in destroying his fidelity to Aniston.

9. She's a raging hypocrite

She's a raging hypocrite
Though she played with knives at 14 years old, she slammed fans who cut themselves. In an interview with Jane magazine, Jolie said that her followers were glorifying cutting. She hit out at it, saying, "This person made the cutting sound interesting, like it was something I do now. And then I met somebody who said they'd seem movies of mine and then showed me where they had cut themselves. I had to explain, first off, not to do that. But [it makes] me really f--king angry at the people who represent me in a way that would get that person to do that and show me."

10. She went to Disneyland on LSD, pities Mickey Mouse

She went to Disneyland on LSD, pities Mickey Mouse
In an interview with the Sunday Times, she said, "I went to Disneyland [high] and started thinking about Mickey Mouse being a short, middle-aged man in a costume who hates his life. My brain went the other way and I started thinking, ‘Look at these fake flowers, the kids are on leashes, the parents hate being here.’"

11. She duped Royalty hard

She duped Royalty hard
Despite her frightening background and reported Illuminati affiliation, she was made a Dame by the Queen of England in 2014. And SHE was fearful that ex Billy Bob would put a hex on her? She's apparently hexed the whole world into thinking that she is something she's apparently not.

12. She won't let the kids see their father

She won't let the kids see their father
Is there any further proof that a woman is the Antichrist? She won't let the children see their father, for God's sake. Pitt might be stanky, but he's always come off as a good father - not like the reportedly reclusive mother they have, who's said to swill wine and smoke cigarettes and behave in a reclusive state most of the time.

13. Even Roseanne Barr thinks she's awful

Even Roseanne Barr thinks she's awful
...And who's gonna go against Roseanne? Barr once wrote, "[E]vil spawn Angelina Jolie...makes about 40 million a year in violent, psychopathic movies and give away three of it to starving children, trying to look as if [she] give[s] a crap about humanity as [she] spit[s] out more dunces that will consume more than their fair share and wreck the earth even more." Ouch!

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Angelina Jolie Biography

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Born
Birthplace
Los Angeles, California
Full Name
Angelina Jolie Voight

Angelina Jolie Quotes

I'm very happy. Unlike most women, I love being pregnant... You just feel like everything about your body is there for your baby.

Angelina Jolie

Yeah, yeah, we've confirmed that already.

Angelina Jolie [after being asked if she's having twins]