Facebook Confidential: An Obligatory ‘Status’ Update 37213
Last week, we asked you about Facebook, and you obliged us by answering in droves. Over 4200 of you procrastinated long enough to fill out our survey, and we’ve spent the past few days rifling through your responses and laughing inappropriately at your anecdotal grievances.
And while we’re not yet ready to present our selection of Best Write-In Answers (although that’s coming soon!) we are prepared to divulge the remainder of our multiple choice findings. After the jump, find out what we already know about your “secretive” social networking ways.
You spend altogether way too much time on Facebook. (57% of you answered that you’re on the site 6-7 times a week).
You’re all either really pretentious readers or else totally lying. (79.3% of you confessed your life was “profoundly shaped by some combination of ‘Ulysses,’ ‘Proust’ and ‘Blue Velvet.’”)
You hate hipsters exponentially more than you hate people who use ugly people to make themselves seem more attractive. (44% of you agreed the former constitute the very worst kind of profile pictures/human beings.)
Most of you tag pictures on a purely selfish basis. (58% of of you either ignore—or revel in—the fact that your friends come across as extremely unfortunate looking.)
A surprising percentage of you think the “in a relationship” option isn’t analogous to shouting “Yay, I’m getting laid!” (62.1% of you think the public has a right to know who you’re dating—and, presumably, whether that person has an annoying profile picture).
Most of you aren’t so much into accepting friendship invites from virtual [Ed: See what we did there??] strangers. (64% say randoms get the boot, although 25% judge prospective friends based primarily on their hotness quotient).
More than half of you were shocked and awed by Facebook’s amazing transformative properties. (57.7% admired the site’s ability to make even the most boring and socially awkward seem interesting)
Although you guys appreciate nerdy word-games, your favorite new Facebook app is Super Poke “because it’s creepy.” (29.6% of you agreed, though the unnecessarily competitive Top Friends and habit-forming Scrabulous came in at 28.8% and 25.1% respectively).
In a weird, semi-unexpected way, Facebook is severely diminishing your quality of life. (69.2% of you admitted that your wall postings are crap, 59.2% of you spend your spare time stealing other people’s friends/acquaintances and 50.3% of you confessed it’s made you a shittier employee.)
For the most part, you’ve managed to successfully fend off the advances of internet pedophiles and pervs! (Only 8.7% of you have ever dated or hooked up with someone you met over Facebook. Prudes.)
Can’t get enough? Click the pages below to see more results…in crazy bar graph form!
–COMPILED BY DEBBIE NEWMAN
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