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It’s been 15 months since a merry band of cultists, conspiracy theorists, and assorted yahoos looking for any excuse to smash stuff stormed the DC Capitol Building and struck terror into the hearts of millions of Americans.

As horrifying as the actions of those wannabe domestic terrorists may have been, what’s arguably more appalling is the fact that they were likely egged on by a sitting president.

For well over a year now, the questions of how much Donald Trump know ahead of the attacks, as well as how big of a role he played in encouraging the insurrectionists have been looming like a grim specter over the American political landscape.

With all of the apparatus in place to keep those answers obscured, we may never get to the real truth of the situation, but at least the investigation is making things uncomfortable for those who have something to hide.

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At issue this week is the question of a seven and a half hour gap in Trump’s communication logs on the day of the attacks.

Yes, for the length of an entire work day — not that that particular unit of time means much to a man who famously spent many of his White House mornings lounging in a bath robe and watching Fox News — the president was MIA while his supporters stormed the Capitol.

Now, this is a man who usually can’t stop himself from communicating with just about anyone who will listen.

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Before he was banned from Twitter last year, Trump used to feverishly post every stray observation that passed through his head, like an aspiring standup comic in the throes of an Adderall overdose.

What we’re saying is, this is not a guy who generally goes incommunicado for an entire day, especially not when said day is one of the defining moments of his presidency.

So how to explain this anomalous period of radio silence?

Donald Trump: Hush Up!
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Well, the going theory is that Trump employed a "burner" phone to remain in contact with his top cronies during these hours.

Most frequently utilized by Avon Barksdale-types in their valiant campaigns to keep their city’s streets supplied with illicit uppers, burners are untraceable phones that are used temporarily at times when more conventional modes of communication are unavailable.

Not only has Trump denied using a burner phone on January 6, he also insists that he’s never even heard the term.

Donald Trump Makes a Face
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“I have no idea what a burner phone is,” the president said, according to The Washington Post.

"To the best of my knowledge I have never even heard the term," he added.

Now, you know the Donald is spewing BS whenever he starts talking all lawyer-y like that,

Donald Trump at CPAC
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And of course, no one actually believes that he’s never heard of a burner phone before.

Perhaps most elderly politicians can convincingly pretend to be unfamiliar with contemporary slang terms, but Trump is not your typical elderly politician.

This is a guy who’s almost as obsessed with pop culture as he is with himself.

Trump, Don
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And while nothing has been substantiated, there are longstanding rumors that in the eighties and nineties, the guy inhaled enough snow to shut down schools in Anchorage.

If Mitch McConnell poked his head out of his turtle shell and gave a comically exaggerated shrug when asked about burner phones, we might be inclined to believe him.

But Trump is a man of the streets — Wall Street counts as a street, right? — and he’s been around the block a time or two.

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Hell, the man is still sniffling and grinding his jaw from that weekend he partied with the 1986 Mets after they won the World Series.

Look, when Trump claims ignorance, we’re generally inclined to go along with it — but not in this case.

This is a guy who buys burner phones as stocking stuffers for his grandkids, and we refuse to believe otherwise.