Well, as you may have guessed from that headline, we have some good news and some bad news to report.
Let's start with the good -- hip hop icon Nicki Minaj is pregnant with her first child!
Unfortunately, if you were holding out hope for a surprise twist in which Nicki would get knocked up by someone other than her husband, convicted rapist and murderer Kenneth Petty, you may want to stop reading here.
So yeah, kind of a mixed bag here:
Nicki announced her pregnancy on Instagram today, but she also confirmed that -- for reasons that defy all explanation -- she's still married to Petty.
And, of course, he's the father of her child.
If you're wondering why that's a problem, well, you should know that Petty was convicted of attempted rape back in 1995.
In 2006, he pleaded guilty to manslaughter charges as a result of his involvement in the death of a man named Lamont Robinson.
So yeah, being a rich, famous rapper, Nicki probably could've done a little bit better in the baby daddy department, is what we're saying.
But hey, let's momentarily focus on the good news before getting back to the more problematic aspects of Nicki's personal life.
Her announcement was accompanied by a series of artsy images that immediately racked up millions of likes on Instagram.
"#Preggers," Nicki captioned the first image.
"Love. Marriage. Baby carriage. Overflowing with excitement & gratitude. Thank you all for the well wishes," she wrote in her second post.
She credited her fourth and final post (above) to one of the world's most revered celebrity photographers.
"And finally, the Virgin Mary by #DavidLaChapelle," Minaj captioned the religious-themed pic.
Obviously, we wish Nicki all the best with her forthcoming bundle of joy.
And yes, we intentionally left Petty out of that statement.
The pregnancy announcement comes just ten months after Nicki announced that she would be retiring from music in order to focus on starting a family.
"I've decided to retire & have my family. I know you guys are happy now," she wrote on Twitter at the time.
"To my fans, keep reppin me, do it til da death of me … Love you for LIFE."
If you sense a combative tone in that statement, it's because Nicki has received a LOT of criticism in recent months, and not only because of her marriage to Petty.
In January, Nicki's brother, Jelani Maraj, was sentenced to 25 years in prison after being convicted of raping his 11-year-old stepdaughter.
Nicki not only stood by Jelani's side publicly, she also paid for his legal defense.
She's continued to defend him even after the victim's tearful testimony led to his conviction.
Nicki's most recent ex, rapper Meek Mill, claims she knew about the rape even before Jelani was arrested.
More recently, Nicki collaborated with Tekashi69, who was also once arrested for engaging in a sex act with an underage girl.
Prosecutors alleged that Tekashi videotaped his encounter with a 13-year-old and distributed the footage to friends.
It's important to note that Nicki herself has never been accused of such heinous behavior, but her decision to repeatedly co-sign the actions of sexual predators is more than a little disturbing.
Anyway, despite all of that, we'd like to congratulate Nicki on her pregnancy.
We'd also like to imagine a future in which Nicki divorces Kenneth and condemns the actions of the various awful men with whom she's been associated.
Every day, people turn corners in their lives and see their supremely effed-up pasts with new clarity.
Here's hoping that's what's in store for Nicki.
Of course, that might be asking a lot.
We'd settle for her just leaving Kenneth and maybe pushing him down a flight of stairs or something.
We're easy to please.
Anyway, congrats, Nicki!
Here's to a future full of accountability and responsible decision-making!