Jen Harley was front and center on Jersey Shore: Family Vacation once again this week.
She was involved in yet another confrontation.
With on-again/off-again/on-again/why-aren’t-these-two-permanently-off-again Ronnie? Nope.
With Vinny’s hilarious uncle, Nino!
The latest installment of this MTV franchise took us back to Mike’s wedding day, specifically the reception and even more specifically the fallout from absolutely everyone getting totally wasted.
This included Uncle Nino, who chose to corner Ronnie’s baby mama and ask about all the stories he had been hearing and reading about on the World Wide Web.
At one point during the alcoholo-fueled evening, Jen found herself alone at the table with Uncle Nino — who had been pounding wine since the moment arrived.
Deena Cortese and her husband, Chris, were close by.
And so were network cameras…
"Jen, Jen," Nino said to Harley.
"Ronnie is sweetheart. I know he adores you. Adores you. Adores. He’s a good, a good, a good soul. A beautiful soul. He doesn’t care about any other women. They don’t exist."
(Doesn’t care about other women, huh? They don’t exist, you say? These are questionable statements.)
Deena and Chris didn’t even try to keep a straight face upon hearing this claim, busting out with laughter as footage of Ronnie bringing home that busty blonde from Miami last year flashed across the screen.
Jen didn’t find it as hilarious, though. She simply rolled her eyes.
Nino was on a roll by now, however. There was no stopping his analysis of Jen and Ronnie’s very rocky and sometimes violent romance.
"But [I’m] a little puzzled," he continued, even though Harley was visibly annoyed.
"My opinion — I’ve been watching TMZ. You’re beating, you’re beating up on him? On my boy? What’s that all about?"
"It fake news," Jen replied.
"Fake news, my balls!" Nino fired back. "Stop beating on him! You keep f–king him up! He loves you! He f–king loves you!"
"What are you talking about?" Harley asked, her voice getting louder.
"Why’d you beat up on him?" Nino persisted, to which Jen replied, "Ask him."
(NOTE: You can read all about at least one of these Jen beatdowns HERE.)
Nino, unafraid of Harley’s wrath, only got more fire up as the conversation continued.
"Leave him alone. He loves you! He’s a dynamite kid!" he yelled. "Leave him the f–k alone! You get him so tense, it’s like, ‘Uncle Nino, I don’t know what the f–k to do!’"
"He’s asking you for advice?" Harley responded, genuinely perplexed.
"Yes," Nino replied. "Don’t take advantage of his love, ya know? Ah, va fungool! Stop beating him up! Stop beating him up! Jen, really."
At this, Jen left the table.
But the awkwardness and drunken hilarity continued, as The Situation’s friends actually got up and gave speeches at the wedding.
We must go ahead and thank TMZ for transcribing these toasts, starting with sage words of beauty from Ronnie:
It is an honor to be here. I actually never thought I’d be involved in a special day of yours that didn’t involve Karma or Bamboo, but it is a pleasure and an honor to be here and be a part of this special day for the beginning of your life and long journey together.
I’ve known you for 10 years.
You’re my family, you’re my brother and you really are an inspiration to me and everybody here to show that there is positive in the world and that everybody can change for the better.
And I love you every day more and more.
And what did Vinny say?
All I want in life is somebody to look at me the way Mike looks at a food menu. You guys should see the party favors! On the way out, everybody is getting a horse’s head! I knew she was gonna say yes because a real Italian wife never folds under questioning.
I’m here all night.
Nah, but seriously, guys, I can’t think of a more amazing couple. Me and Mike have a favorite quote: "A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor." And through love, perseverance and strength, you guys have weathered every storm possible.
And as Mike would say, "Now, you are the storm," and there’s nothing that can stop you guys.
For his part, Pauly got a bit sentimental:
Lauren, you stuck by him through his good times, his bad times, his hard times, his fun times. You’re his soulmate.
And when I met you, Lauren, for the first time, I knew right away that you were the one for Mike. I saw exactly what he saw in you instantly — that pure heart.
It’s very hard to find. Believe me, I’m looking! I can’t find it. Trust me. There’s not many out there. I’m single!
Finally, we close with the groom.
Mike got married right before heading to prison for tax evasion, and he closed the episode with a message about grace and love and romance… as only The Situation can.
"In a couple months, I have to do my time and pay my debt to society," he said.
"My days is numbered right now. Some people focus on the negative, but Big Daddy Sitch focuses on the positivity.
"There’s something special about everyone under one roof celebrating my big day today. It’s like a fairy tale, it really is."