Farrah Abraham Talking Sex Doll Hits Stores: Backdoor Word Salad, Anyone?

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Throughout her career, Farrah Abraham has pursued a number of business ventures with varying degrees of success.

Perhaps not surprisingly, Farrah's more wholesome side projects -- Christian-themed novels, frozen yogurt chain, children's boutique, etc. -- have floundered, while her racier undertakings have often proven quite lucrative.

Farrah Abraham and Her Boobs

Obviously, there's Farrah's porn, which she continues to describe as an amateur sex tape despite the professional production values and the fact that her partner was a freakin' porn star.

But that's just one of many sexually-charged offerings that have earned Farrah some serious dough.

Remember when Farrah was selling plastic molds of her various holes?

Farrah Abraham with the Blow

Well, we don't blame you if you blocked that one out of your memory, but it seems the vibrating orifices were far more popular than we initially realized.

In fact, they seem to have spawned a terrifying sequel that sounds like a collaboration between the folks at Pornhub and the producers of Black Mirror.

Yes, for the low, low price of just $699, you can be the proud owner of your own Farrah-Bot.

Farrah Abraham Exit Interview

And what is the Farrah-Bot, you ask?

Well, we can answer that question, but please know that you can never return to your state of blissful ignorance once you receive this knowledge.

The Farrah-Bot combines Abraham's two most marketable attributes -- her willingness to perform sexual favors for money, and her famously nonsensical manner of speaking.

Farrah Abraham for Ex on the Beach

The "anatomically complete," full-automated sex doll will talk to you using Farrah's voice while you do your weird, sad thing with her nether regions.

"My fans are a very prodigious and coincidental group of people," Farrah told reporters at a recent launch party while creepily flanked by two look-alike androids.

"It may sound astronomical or even fortuitous, but they want more than just my holes -- they want my soul."

Farrah Abraham Is Rendered Speechless

So what sort of words and phrases will Farrah's lifeless doppelganger (or doppelbanger, if you prefer) shriek at you in the throes of passion?

"The Farrah doll will tell you what you're doing wrong, and more prolifically, it will list items from my Amazon wishlist that you can send to the real me," Abraham said.

"You can punch your credit card number and a dollar amount into the keypad on the back of my head to make a one-time donation and receive the full O-face experience.

Farrah Abraham Solo

"Test groups have described it as a very supercilious experience."

Make no mistake, folks, Farrah is one of the most ridiculous human beings on the planet, and she will keep finding new ways to make you lose faith in humanity.

Fortunately, you can't blame her for this one.

The Farrah-Bot is just our sick idea of an April Fools' joke! Gotcha!

 

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Farrah Abraham Biography

Farrah
Farrah Abraham is the star of Teen Mom and the mother of Sophia Laurent Abraham. Sophia's father (Derek Underwood) was killed in a car... More »
Full Name
Farrah Abraham

Farrah Abraham Quotes

[On her DUI arrest] I did not endanger anyone's life.

Jenelle [Evans] has all the potential to turn her negatives into a positive like I have.