There are several accepted facts about Tom Cruise that seem to come up in every conversation about the actor:
He's short; he jumped on Oprah's couch; and he believes depression is what happens when the alien souls that infect your body start feeding on the happiness portion of your brain.
That last part may sound bonkers, but as a member of the Church of Scientology, Tom has been the mayor of Bonkersville for his entire adult life.
The CoS has come to define Cruise's career and public image, and rumors about the actor's bizarre commitment to his controversial religion have been especially prevalent in the years since his divorce from Katie Holmes.
One claim that's dogged Cruise for over a decade is that he's in the habit of "auditioning" women to be his partner -- all with the help of CS officials.
Actresses have come forward to claim that they auditioned to be Cruise's girlfriend, but reps for the actor have repeatedly shot those rumors down.
Now, a former Scientologist named Valerie Haney has claimed that such auditions "absolutely happened."
In fact, she claims that Holmes participated in the audition process and "won" the right to be Cruise's wife.
In a scathing interview published today by The Hollywood Reporter, Haney claims that Cruise and the CoS are both essential to one another's survival.
The actress says that Cruise's relationship with current CoS head David Miscavige is inappropriately close and that both men have a history of becoming intimately involved in one another's personal lives.
“Tom Cruise worships David Miscavige like a god," says Haney, who was a member of the organization's elite Sea Org for 22 years.
“They worshiped each other."
Haney says Miscavige orchestrated Cruise's girlfriend auditions and Cruise was an active participant in the dissolution of Miscavige's marriage to Shelly Miscavige, who has been missing from the public eye for over a decade.
“Shelly was pissed off all the time," Haney says of the Miscavige's final days together.
"Dave was raging at everyone day after day ... and he had nothing for Shelly. So she was crying every night."
Haney is currently collaborating with actress and anti-Scientology activist Leah Remini, who filed a missing person report on Shelly in 2013.
Church officials have issued a statement deriding Haney as a paid employee of Remini's:
"The Church of Scientology stated that Valerie Haney is outright lying and making up stories, as part of her employment for Leah Remini," the statement reads.
Cruise, of course, has not commented on the matter.
He generally keeps mum on matters pertaining to his religion, his former wives, and his daughter, Suri Cruise, whom he reportedly hasn't seen in several years.