Bill Cosby: I'm Gonna Escape from Prison! This is How!

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As proven over the years by all the times he slept with other women (occasionally even with their consent) , Bill Cosby is not very happy with his wife.

But a new report claims this evaluation doesn't merely apply to how Cosby feels about Camille as a partner in the bedroom.

It also applies to how Cosby feels about Camille as a partner in crime.

Bill Cosby SUCKS

Indeed, just days after we heard Cosby was begging his wife to do everything in her power to free him from prison, a source now tells Radar Online that the disgraced comedian has moved on.

He's found someone else to take over this role.

And that someone else has an amazing nickname.

About a week after Cosby was sentenced to at least three years in jail for drugging and assaulting a woman named Andrea Constand in 2004, the terrible human being has gone ahead and hired someone called the "Googler," Radar writes.

Good Riddance, Bill

Explains the website, in apparent seriousness:

Though the man was introduced a a “personal security guard” to Cosby’s team during the court battle, the disgraced comic’s entourage soon discovered his role was much bigger - and the “Googler” now lives on the star’s Pennsylvania estate, where he plots his release!

How, exactly?

Cosby was found guilty in April by a jury of his peers and then a judge decided upon his punishment.

Short of a map of tattoos across his body that illustrates the best escape route from jail, how can Cosby be plotting any kind of release?

Per this article, the 81-year old “literally pays one man to sit on Google all day long in the guesthouse, in complete darkness, to Google and research successful methods other prisoners used in the past."

(Editor's note: Why is this individual sitting in complete darkness? Is it illegal for him to search the Internet or something?)

Bill Cosby Booking Pic

“The man is literally a Googler from New York … that’s what we call him," the insider tells Radar, adding:

"We don’t know what he does, who he knows, what his past is like or even his real name. All we know is that he’s here to stay.”

Cosby has allegedly hired two doctors and a prison expert to assist with this goal, which is just a little weird.

We're pretty sure it's the job of any decent lawyer to file appeals for his client and/or find these precise sort of legal loopholes to reduce sentences or get verdicts thrown out entirely.

"During a phone  call with Mr. Cosby, the ‘Googler’ told him he found case law that allows him to stay housed in the infirmary throughout his sentence to avoid being placed in general population,” the source says.

“He found a number of cases in Pennsylvania where people at Mr. Cosby’s age died due to lack of healthcare and medical attention – this prison doesn’t want to be the prison doesn’t want to go down in history as the prison Bill Cosby died in."

Bill Cosby, Pre-Sentencing

OJ Simpson is on record as sharing a similar concern.

The disgraced star ideally wants to be moved back to his residence and to serve his time under house arrest.

He figures this will keep him safe and happy, two emotions not shared by any of the 60 women he reportedly drugged and then raped over the years.

“He believes he’ll be home in no time,” the Radar source concludes. “He thinks the court won the battle, but he will win the war."

He's an awful, awful person.

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