As you've likely heard by now, Bill Cosby was sentenced to 3-10 years in prison yesterday after being convicted of sexually assaulting Andrea Constand.
The disgraced comedy legend was handcuffed and taken into custody shortly after the judge delivered his sentence.
It's been less than 24 hours since he was imprisoned, but already, Cosby's booking photo has become a viral sensation, and reports about his first day behind bars are being gleefully shared on every social media platform.
(A report from TMZ that Cosby's first meal will include Jell-O has proven particularly popular.)
Naturally, Cosby took advantage of his first opportunity to place a phone call, and insiders confirm that he contacted his wife of 54 years, Camille Cosby.
Now, a new report Radar Online claims that Cosby spent most of his time on the phone imploring Camille to do everything in her power to get him out of jail.
"They took my cane, tie and shoelaces because they think I will harm myself,” Cosby reportedly told his wife.
A witness who listened in on the call, says Cosby complained about the conditions and led his wife to believe he was in immediate physical danger:
"He said he had a stale hotdog bun thrown at him and he fell down a few steps because he wasn’t being guided,” the source recalls.
“He told Camille, ‘Grab the checkbook and hire anyone and everyone’ who could get him out as soon as possible."
Obviously, as a lifelong serial rapist, Cosby is deserving of absolutely zero sympathy.
But if the idea of a mostly-blind 81-year-old grandfather living out what might be his final years in state prison strikes you as tragically pathetic, fear not.
Life is easier for rich people everywhere -- including prison.
Cosby will likely serve his sentence in a relatively cushy facility for "low risk" inmates, and a team of lawyers will descend on the place every time a guard so much as looks at him askance.
Fortunately, his treasured "legacy" has been thoroughly decimated, and Cosby's many victims can hopefully rest easier knowing justice has somewhat been served.
And with any luck, Camille Cosby will soon see the value in being free of her monstrous husband.