Folks, get ready for a twisty tale with some strange names and even stranger hairstyles.
It's been a while since we checked in with our old friend Shia LaBeouf, and in news that should surprise absolutely no one, things are still very weird in the Beef's corner of the world.
Thankfully, Shia no longer thinks he's Tupac, and as far as we can tell, he hasn't been arrested for groping any strangers in a while.
But that doesn't mean he's finally found a modicum of stability in his life.
In fact, quite the opposite is true.
If you haven't been keeping track of the Lynchian soap opera that is Shia's life, you may have been under the impression that he's still married to Mia Goth.
Sadly, that's no longer the case.
In fact, no one is quite sure if Shia and Mia were ever legally wed, as they were married in Vegas by an Elvis impersonator.
In any event, the Beef-Goth union is no longer, and Shia has moved on with none other than FKA Twigs.
You might be familiar with Twigs' music, or you might remember her from when she dated Robert Pattinson.
There was a time when it was rumored that Pattinson and Twigs were engaged, but these days, she and LaBeouf are officially dating.
Apparently, The Daily Mail recently conducted a brief interview with Twigs "through the intercom of her home" (?!?!?), and the songstress confirmed that she and LaBeouf are indeed an item:
"We’re very happy, we’re having a nice time," said the disembodied voice of Twigs.
Apparently, Mia is the last to know about the relationship, and she's still under the impression that she and Shia are on a break:
"Everybody in their circle knows that Mia and Shia are separating," an anonymous friend tells the Mail.
"She’s spending her time between London and New York while he’s currently in London. Mia had been having some problems with Shia. It was a very crazy relationship and he is very fiery.
"She has told her friends that she can’t take any more. When he was preparing for a part, Mia would keep away from him and move out because his rehearsals were so intense."
It's anyone's guess as to where this is all headed, but one thing is for sure -- unless you're reading about Game of Thrones or the NFL, you're not gonna see this many bonkers names in one article.
We'll keep an eye out and let you know if Barkevious Mingo and Equanimeous St. Brown start hooking up.