Early Friday morning, Robby Anderson, wide receiver for the New York Jets (a football team), was arrested.
The charges include reckless driving, resisting arrest, evading police, and threatening a public servant. But those charges barely scratch the surface.
Among other things ... he threatened to "nut" in a police officer's wife's eye. His words, not ours.
It started off on what we assume to be a pretty run-of-the-mill morning in Florida, based upon everything that we've heard about Florida Man over the years.
In South Florida, police detected a vehicle driving 105 miles per hour in a 45 mph zone. That's ... not great.
This time, the celebrity speeder wasn't Justin Bieber, but Robby Anderson. Who, as we mentioned, is a professional athlete.
Maybe he was somehow not paying attention, maybe he was thinking of crossing over into another sport -- race car driving. Who knows?
Whatever the reason, he was allegedly traveling more than twice the legal speed limit.
Based upon police descriptions, Robby Anderson noticed when police were trying to pull him over.
Instead of finding a safe place to pull over and slowing his vehicle, he allegedly doubled down on reckless driving, running multiple red lights.
Per police reports, he was also swerving from one lane into another while attempting to evade police.
Folks, please don't try those sorts of maneuvers at home. Or anyone.
Eventually, Robby Anderson did stop his vehicle. But when he did, the police say that they had a new ordeal to face -- Robby's reluctance to allow them to place him in the back of a police car.
According to the police report, obtained by NJ.com, Robby Anderson's bad behavior still wasn't over.
"While in the back of my patrol vehicle, Robert stated that when he got out he was going to find my wife, f--k her, and nut in her eye."
He said WHAT?!
(In case you're unfamiliar with the term and the context doesn't clear, nut means orgasm or, in this case, ejaculate)
"He continued to make other verbal threats toward my family."
Vague but still not good.
"Based on his statements it was clear that he intended to sexually assault my wife."
We imagine that Robby Anderson's attorney may argue that Robby was simply threatening to seduce the officer's wife.
"He also began to brag about how much money he has and how all I was doing was trying to 'Ruin his fun.'"
Based upon Robby Anderson's social media activity from Thursday, we can infer that he was grieving a lost relationship.
(He may have just had a breakup)
If so, perhaps he was not handling his sense of loss very well. We don't mean to suggest that he was using any illicit substances, but it's possible that he had been too upset to go to sleep.
It's also possible that he was just not in a great mood and that this led him to make some terrible choices.
None of that is an excuse for literally anything for which he is accused.
But it might, at least, be an explanation.
Pro-tip: don't do the things of which Robby Anderson is accused. Especially not making threats against a police officer's family.
Police don't like it. Fans don't like it. And prosecutors, courts, and judges really don't like it.
This isn't Robby's first brush with the law in Florida.
Last year, he was arrested at a Miami music festival. That time, he was also charged with resisting arrest. And also with obstruction of justice.
Robby might need to make some better choices.