It's hard to imagine a more perfect reality TV star than Farrah Abraham.
We know what you're thinking, and you're absolutely right--Farrah is unintelligent, rude to the point of cruelty, delusional, and almost impossibly self-centered.
And that's exactly what makes her such a great fit for reality television.
If you're unfamiliar with Farrah, you might watch an episode of Teen Mom OG and wonder where such a person comes from.
Fortunately, we have the answer.
You see, Farrah is the product of two profoundly effed-up individuals.
There's her mother, Debra Danielsen, who's basically what Farrah will be like in 20 years if she figures out how to get Xanax prescriptions from three different doctors.
Then there's her father, Michael Abraham, who's basically Ned Flanders if he were driven quietly insane by the knowledge that his daughter became a gosh-dang-diddily porn star, even though she doesn't need the money.
You may think that the world has all the Deb and Michael it needs thanks to their frequent appearances on TMOG, but apparently Deb disagrees.
She's penned a memoir with the curious title of Vapor, and in it, she reveals that Mike was a straight-up d-bag during their marriage:
"The big problem in our relationship was that Michael felt disconnected from me because I refused to take illegal drugs that he enjoyed taking," Danielsen writes.
Now, the book is light on specifics, so it's possible that she's talking about something as innocent as smoking weed, which would really damage her street cred, and possibly bring an end to Deb's rap career.
But she goes on to claim that Michael would get all hopped on goofballs and then run out and cheat on her.
"I demanded fidelity in our relationship," Danielsen writes.
"Michael could no longer deal with either one of these positions, which I hold dear to my heart."
The Abraham family doesn't have the greatest history when it comes to honesty, but Deb says she can corroborate her claims with letters written to her by a repentant Michael:
"Michael told me he was sorry for his affairs," Deb says.
"He asked for my forgiveness and begged me to reconsider, but I just couldn't do it anymore. He has been involved in countless affairs."
Deb also claims that she "worked out every day for 15 years" in order to keep Mike happy, but it wasn't enough.
For his part, Michael denies the affairs and claims he never once commented on his ex-wife's weight.
"I'm a very intelligent man," Abraham says.
"You never talk about a woman's age or weight. Debra is a very beautiful woman."
Sounds like we're gonna need a response memoir from Mike!
You might think you're sick of these two, but if Farrah really gets fired by MTV, you'll be fiending for more Mike and Deb in no time!
Watch Teen Mom OG online for more on the gloriously messed-up Abraham clan.