In case anyone needs a reminder, podcasts are totally public. If you're a celebrity and you go on a podcast and make a total ass of yourself, people are going to find out.
If you come across as a bigot, even if you didn't mean to, it is not going to stay a secret.
Spencer Pratt seems to have forgotten that, because -- on top of bashing Lauren Conrad and then asking why she doesn't want to work with him -- he said some truly unacceptable things about Caitlyn Jenner.
You know, the recent Spencer Pratt has been relatively well-behaved.
Don't get us wrong, he's still the guy who blew through millions of dollars in a frighteningly short amount of time.
(That was a collaborative effort between him and Heidi)
But he's been doing so well. He and Heidi Montag are expecting their first child.
That's a huge milestone for the legendary reality couple.
(At seven months, Heidi Montag's baby bump was ginormous! And Heidi is coming up on eight months, now)
It's seemed like they've settled into being people who set realistic goals, instead of people who respond to dwindling finances by spending six figures on crystals because they hope that the energies or vibrations or whatever will restore their bank accounts.
He still likes them. But hey, who doesn't?
Unfortunately, Spencer recently sat down for an interview for the podcast, Allegedly With Theo Von & Matthew Cole Weiss.
Spencer Pratt bashes Lauren Conrad, talks about Scientology and Ryan Gosling, discusses his unborn child's potential dating life ... and says some almost unrepeatable things about Caitlyn Jenner.
First, you know how some celebrities accept some nice financial incentives to let a magazine do some exclusive photos -- of a wedding or, say, of their new baby?
Spencer and Heidi haven't gotten any kind of lucrative photo deal, and Spencer blames Lauren Conrad.
"Well Lauren Conrad just blew it for us, having the worst selling magazine cover in the history of the publication. She killed our numbers. She's supposed to be the queen of The Hills, so all our money just went way down because of her."
Lauren Conrad's People cover sold very poorly, it's true.
"I would rather taken no money to have that happen to her so it's a win regardless."
Wow that is spiteful.
You may remember that the conflict between Lauren Conrad and her former friends became a central storyline on The Hills for years until Lauren left.
Apparently Spencer is still feeling that resentment, after all of these years.
Spencer's explanation for why Lauren Conrad won't do a reunion with them is, in light of his bitterness, pretty interesting.
"Some people don't want to share any shine, they'd rather sit on their Instagram account."
Maybe Lauren Conrad doesn't want to interact with someone who can't stand her.
Also, maybe Lauren Conrad didn't hemorrhage money left and right and is estimated to be worth something like $25 million today.
She doesn't need to do a reunion special if she doesn't want to.
Spencer says that he'd be okay if his unborn child grows up and wants to date Lauren's son, Liam.
"If he wants to date Liam, that's up to him. I personally will be targeting Kristin Cavallari's $100 million + daughter for my son. Kristin, I'll be such a good in-law!"
Okay, that's funny. And a nice blow to heteronormativity. A lot of parents just assume that their kid will be straight by default, and they set themselves up for a surprise.
(To be clear, we don't think that Spencer and Heidi are actually planning to raise their kid to be a gold-digger)
Spencer Pratt says that he and Ryan Gosling used to be neighbors who hung out, and that Ryan Gosling told him some chilling tales about Scientology.
"He told me a story about Scientology that has stuck with me for years. Let's just say it involved people not surviving heavy shit and I was like, oh wow, this is not something to joke about."
To be clear, we don't know where Ryan Gosling would have heard these stories, except perhaps from ex-Scientologists. But we've read enough horrific accounts about that organization to never be surprised at what we hear.
Spencer gets really awful now, so ... brace yourselves.
He not only deadnames Caitlyn Jenner, but also misgenders her -- as if he'd just awoken from a two-year coma.
"I'm Team Kris Jenner. I was Team Brody. Bruce is like the worst person ever. He wouldn't even call Brody on his birthday and he was in the valley. It's not like he was in the Czech Republic. He was always bad as a human from what I saw as Brody's best friend. I had heard he had gotten hormone injections and all that but to me I was like, whatever, maybe that's Tuesday."
It's incredibly rude to misgender someone or use their deadname, even if you're talking about why they suck. And even if you're talking about them before they transitioned or before they came out.
Caitlyn is a woman. You can say that she was a piss-poor parent without disrespecting her gender and that of every other trans woman on the planet.
Maybe worst of all is Spencer's commentary about Caitlyn's reasons for transitioning or ... something.
"It was so back in the day and I loved titties so much, I thought maybe he just wanted titties to rub on, like his own titties, I don't know. He was a ghost."
In case it needs to be said, trans women who get top surgery don't do so because, um, they love boobs so much that they want to touch them.
Part of it is about being able to dress and be perceived as they want to.
Many (though not all) trans woman also experience dysphoria, where their bodies feel wrong until they have top surgery and then things feel like they've settled into place, as they should be.
Spencer doesn't mean anything cruel by this, we think.
He's probably just still the same idiot we saw on The Hills.
On a brighter note, Spencer and Heidi might be coming back to reality television.
"My own show, the paperwork's signed. We'll see if it ever goes onto an actual ... one thing I've learned about networks is they'll pay you and maybe the show [will never happen]. I've now been paid for two shows, whole seasons, that never went."
Yep. That's how scripts and projects end up in limbo or development hell.
A network might think that something's good enough that they won't let anyone else do it, but not necessarily good enough to actually develop.
Oh, and Spencer and Heidi don't have a sex tape. He says that he'd be willing to do one now for $10 million.
We'll just ... pass on that.