Tori Spelling is broke.
Not like "can't afford to keep a yoga instructor on retainer in her guesthouse broke," but "holds you up at Whole Foods with her manila envelope full of coupons" broke.
When Tori reflects fondly on 90210, she's not thinking about the show, but the time when she could afford to live in that zip code.
When Tori's friends talk about the importance of driving hybrids, she's like, "Well, I can only afford to fill my gas tank halfway. Does that count?"
We could go on with that schtick, but we think you get the point.
We poke fun at Tori only because she's got a safety net most folks could only dream of in the form of her mother, so she'll never be homeless, and her kids will never starve.
Also, she continues to dig a deeper hole for herself, because at the end of the day, she knows her wealthy family will only let her fall so far.
Earlier this week we learned that Tori's bank accounts had been drained by the IRS, as a result of Spelling and her husband, Dean McDermott, falling several years behind on their taxes.
The news comes just weeks after Spelling welcomed her fifth child.
To make matters worse, McDermott is being sued for back child support by his first wife.
She says the actor owes her tens of thousands.
American Express claims the couple owes them more than a hundred grand.
Of course, Tori is 43 years old, and having been reckless with money her whole life, she knows just what to do in this situation:
That's why she's pulling up her boots, tightening her belt and ... hunting for a new mansion.
Yes, in a recent interview, Tori revealed that despite her financial difficulties, she's jonesin' for a new crib:
"I have a bit of a house fetish – I love the whole experience of finding the perfect place. We’re a big family and we’re on the hunt for a big 'forever' family home," Tori told Hello Giggles.
She went to share details that will eradicate any sympathy you may have felt for her:
"I grew up in just two houses, and one of them until I was 16, so it was a lovely feeling, knowing that I had a childhood home. [Our place now] has an amazing energy," Spelling said.
"A backyard they can run in with lots of space, where they can be safe."
So her current place is fine, but she wants more. Gotcha.
And how is she planning to support her "house fetish"?
Why with a new reality show, of course!
"All my fans are missing seeing the kids on a daily basis," Tori says, by way of explaining why she totes needs to be back on TV, like, yesterday.
"I have two very distinct sides that pull on each other day to day. Part of me just wants to be a stay-at-home mum and the other part wants to run a business empire. It’s a real struggle. But my ideal would be to work from home."
Ah, yes. The struggle is real.
But in Tori's case, that expression refers to the struggle to say something non-idiotic.