Eliodoro Estala, a 32-year-old Texas resident, was arrested earlier this week for engaging in some graphic sex acts with a local fence.
And man alive, does it sound like he went to town on the thing.
According to reports, he was first observed “eating out” the fence.
Shortly after that, things progressed to conventional banging.
He was “having sex with a fence” at 11:25 am on a Wednesday, the Austin America-Statesman reports, citing law enforcement sources.
Travis County Sheriff’s Department officials said in an affidavit that Estala’s neighbor Diana Vazquez saw him defiling the fence in question.
The structure separates their two residences in Austin.
After Vazquez took out her phone to record Estala, who at first was merely urinating on the thing, the man reportedly “took off his clothes.”
The report states that things got graphic at that point.
Vazquez says that Estala got into position and “put his mouth inside the chain link fence and stuck his tongue out moving it up and down.”
If you know what she means. (She means he was performing full-blown oral sex on the fence situated between his home and his neighbor’s).
In case that wasn’t clear, or you thought we were inventing this, Vazquez went on to further explain the lewd scene as it played out.
Estala allegedly “was demonstrating a sexual act of eating out the fence,” she told police of the hottest man-on-fence sex scene ever.
The man, who was said to be intoxicated, then had enough of that and proceeded to “stick his erected penis into the chain link fence.”
From there, he proceeded to rail the thing pretty hard.
Like The Bachelor’s Corinne Olympios, the man was goal-oriented when it came to fornication endeavors and dispensed with any foreplay.
His horrified neighbor says she watched him “have sex with the fence” and called the cops, after which the accused denied any f–king.
Then again, despite the photographic evidence provided by his neighbor, he insisted he was in his apartment the entire time, so …
He may not have the most credibility in human history.
The man was taken to jail and booked on a misdemeanor indecent exposure charge, and eventually released after posting $2,500 bail.
He will be appearing in court for the incident, at which point a court clerk will likely have to write down a lot of these details with a straight face.
That should make for an interesting day at the office.