There are phrases you never expect to hear, and then there's "Lindsay Lohan might be a spy for the Turkish government?!" which is up there with "Donald Trump just used his giant hands to give away his billion-dollar fortune that actually exists!" in terms of staggering degree of unlikelihood.
And yet, all over the Internet today, there are serious discussions about the possibility that LiLo is highly-paid operative working in league with a Middle Eastern government.
The really crazy part is, this isn't just today's "Taylor Swift is pregnant with Drake's baby" gossip.
There might actually be some legitimacy to this report.
The rumors started shortly after the release of this video:
You may have seen it.
The clip went unexpectedly viral not because of the bizarre ramblings about nightclubs and refugee camps (that's just typical Lohan), but because of Lindsay's accent.
What the hell is that?
It's as though she sampled a little bit from each continent like she's eating at a buffet at Epcot.
And what's with the pauses, like English isn't her first language?
We can understand picking up certain linguistic quirks if you've been living abroad for a while, but if she's forgetting her native tongue, that's just a case of cocaine-induced brain damage.
But believe it or not, Lindsay's sh-tty stage accent and appropriated cadence aren't the most interesting things about this video.
We know it's painful, but pay attention to what she's saying.
Note the effusive praise for Turkey and the repeated use of the phrase "the world is bigger than five.”
She says it twice in that 3-minute clip, and it's her favorite hashtag these days, appearing on just about every photo that Lohan has posted on Instagram in the past two weeks.
So what the hell does it mean?
Well, unlike the notion that Syrian refugees need dope night spots to party in, the phrase didn't originate in Lindsay's Smirnoff-pickled brain.
Turns out it's a favorite slogan of Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan and his cronies.
Despite showing zero interest in global politics at any previous point in her multiple decades as a public figure, Lohan is suddenly gushing at Erdogan every chance she gets.
Here she is singing his praises in an interview for Turkish television:
"The world is bigger than five" refers to Erdogan's contempt for the UN Security Council and its five permanent members - he US, the UK, France, China, and Russia.
In recent weeks Lohan (who again, is Lindsay Lohan and has never previously shown an interest in matters any deeper than that new cut her dealer is using) has repeatedly called for the Security Council to be restructured.
She's also praised Erdogan's handling of a military coup that threatened to unseat him over the summer.
We're not saying Lindsay is definitely being paid by Turkish government officials to push their agenda in the West, but what's more likely:
That Lindsay has taken a sudden interest in the more arcane complexities of the Middle Eastern political climate, or that someone offered her blow money to spout a bunch of BS she doesn't understand in front of some TV cameras?
We think you see our point.