Lindsay Lohan officially sounds like she forgot the English language teacher, and is in desperate need of an ESL education intervention.
Lohan debuted an extraordinarily strange "accent" that sounds completely muddled.
Folks are trying to pinpoint exactly from which country her sound hails, but we’re here to solve that problem: she sounds like someone struggling to learn the English language.
Check out the bizarre video.
We had to watch it three times in order to pay attention to what she was actually saying, instead of fixating on her bizarre accent, but basically, she talked about how her new nightclub, Lohan, is straight out the refugee-loving handbook.
Apparently Angelina Jolie missed that bit in the Refugee Handbook.
About Greece, Lindsay said, "Where people are scared of refugees and from other worlds, there’s a minimum; there’s a line of where we can make happiness, and to the light of every situation that is bad, and make it good."
"Whereas in the past, I had been associated with clubbing, and clubs, I said, ‘Why not do my own?’ and make it a good purpose."
"Where there’s bad things happening all over the world, we can focus on the bad things and fix them, so with the club, we can create charity from it," she explained, kinda nonsensically.
She also talked about launching Lohan spas, and Lohan refugee camps.
Are you LOLing so hard yet?
"To have a good night life," she continued, "you can have fun tonight, but tomorrow, if you Google it, and you look at it, between Germany; all of the UN nations, Greece has welcomed so many refugees, from Syria, just as Turkey has."
We’re so lost.
"This is something to celebrate," she said.
"So I want Lohan to be a celebration of everybody coming together," Lindsay rambled.
"We can make everything have a difference."
"Maybe we can create goal number eight, which is stable humanity," she concluded, before saying "we start tonight."
We have no idea what Lindsay’s doing.
Or what she’s talking about.
Or even understand the syntax of her speech.
To us, it sounds like she’s trying to be another Angelina, or another Hillary, and another Ivanka Trump.
"Vhere are my furs and my jewels, you seemple beetch?"
That’s the kind of sense we expect to hear out of Lindsay’s mouth next.
Holy crow.
