Unless you’ve spent the last eight months watching reruns of The Apprentice, using a cotton candy machine to create preposterous toupees, and taking the occasional dip in your Scrooge McDuck-like swimming pool full of inherited gold coins, you’re probably aware that Donald Trump has a problem with women.
We don’t mean he’s having difficulty attracting female voters, we mean the man appears to be only vaguely aware that women are human beings who are entitled to equal rights, including the right to object when a sentient jack-o-lantern calls them a "fat pig" in a public forum.
You would think that as his campaign to bring about the end times foretold in Revelation chugs along, Trump would be doing everything in his power to court female voters, but instead he seems to be taking the opposite approach by attempting to frighten them into staying home on Election Day.
During an interview with MSNBC’s Chris Matthews today, Trump re-affirmed his staunch pro-life stance (a position he’s held for roughly five of his 69 years) by declaring that he believes women who receive abortions should be subject to an un-specified "punishment."
Pressed for specifics on how he would enact an abortion ban, Trump replied, "[The] answer is that there has to be some form of punishment, yeah."
In response to questions about the nature of the penalty, Trump stated that he has “not determined what the punishment would be.”
Scrambling to do damage control following a potentially devastating gaffe even by the standards of the most gaffe-happy presidential campaign in US history, Trump took to twitter moments ago, writing:
"This issue is unclear and should be put back into the states for determination. Like Ronald Reagan, I am pro- life with exceptions, which I have outlined numerous times."
Sadly, medical professionals have verified that there is little that can be done about the Trump problem, as 282nd trimester abortions are considered grossly unethical.