Dancing with the Stars Recap: Worst Premiere Ever?

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Break out the sequins, strike up the band and welcome the latest crop of Z-listers: Dancing with the Stars is back for a 21st season on ABC!

Who shone brightest and who fizzled in the face of stiff competition in their debuts? Let's just say the judges weren't impressed too often ...

When Gary Busey, Paula Deen, and some of these other folks we've never heard of are all on Dancing with the Stars ... it's an experience.

When Paula remarks that perhaps she had soiled her previously white underwear, and we are watching it unfold live, we have no words.

Strange times we are living in, THG readers.

There were plenty of ups and downs, spins and twirls, but Bindi Irwin and Nick Carter walked away with the top scores on Monday night.

Tamar Braxton and Carlos PenaVega, who bested his wife, fellow cast member Alexa PenaVega by just one point, were close behind.

On the other end of the scoreboard ... wow. With the amount of 4s and 5s given out, this ensemble looked like the least talented ever.

Dancing wise, and name recognition wise.

“I was a little surprised because we haven’t gone that low in a couple of seasons,” Julianne Hough said, but "we will see a lot of growth."

"We have a great cast. They are more about the characters and the dancing will come. If we start high, there is nowhere else to go!”

Fair enough ... but check these scores out:

  • Bindi Irwin and Derek Hough: 24/30
  • Nick Carter and Sharna Burgess: 24/30
  • Tamar Braxton and Val Chmerkovskiy: 23/30
  • Carlos PenaVega and Witney Carson: 23/30
  • Alexa PenaVega and Mark Ballas: 22/30
  • Alek Skarlatos and Lindsay Arnold: 22/30
  • Hayes Grier and Emma Slater: 21/30
  • Andy Grammer and Allison Holker: 21/30

Admittedly, not bad at all yet. But just wait ...

  • Victor Espinoza and Karina Smirnoff: 15/30
  • Paula Deen and Louis Van Amstel: 15/30
  • Gary Busey and Anna Trebunskaya: 15/30
  • Chaka Khan and Keo Motsepe: 13/30
  • Kim Zolciak and Tony Dovolani: 12/30

Yes, Kim Zolciak scored a f--king 12. Out of 30.

On the bright side for the oft-pregnant Real Housewives of Atlanta legend, Master P remains the only star to register a 2 from a judge on DWTS.

His paso doble earned a pair of them, no less.

Not only will she never (hopefully) beat Master P's grand total of eight for a routine, Kelly Monaco earned a 13 for her waltz in Season 1.

Kelly went on to be the first DWTS winner!

You see? There is hope for all among the Dancing with the Stars cast! Look back at the past 20 champs in the gallery below and tell us:

Who will join this elite ballroom group?

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Dancing with the Stars Quotes

We should have started dancing with one arm waaay before.

Cristian de la Fuente [following his injury, trip to the hospital and subsequent stellar performance]

I am not the best dancer, and I have not been the best dancer from the beginning. I am happy we made it this far.

Cristian de la Fuente