Cara Delevingne has taken a break from being licked by Kendall Jenner to open way up to Vogue.
Inside the latest issue of the fashion magazine, the model admits that at the age of 15 she was “hit with a massive wave of depression and anxiety and self-hatred.”
These “feelings were so painful," Cara explains, "That I would slam my head against a tree to try to knock myself out."
Delevingne says she was placed on various types of prescriptions pulls and “smoked a lot of pot as a teenager” but “I was completely mental with or without drugs.”
Still, she yearned to be an actress... yet "couldn't wake up in the morning," such was the level of her depression.
"The worst thing was that I knew I was a lucky girl, and the fact that you would rather be dead," she says. "You just feel so guilty for those feelings, and it’s this vicious circle."
Delevingne eventually dropped out of high school and was recruited to be a model by the father of a friend, who worked as an agency executive.
“I was a machine that I wasn’t controlling,” says Delevingne, adding that she just did whatever her agents told her to do, often just pretending to be “the life of the party.”
Delevingne finally reveals she contemplated committing suicide at one point.
“It’s like, if anything is good for too long, I prefer to ruin it. I was packing my bags, and suddenly I just wanted to end it,” says Delevingne. “I had a way, and it was right there in front of me."
Fortunately, Cara resisted that frightening urge, largely because a song that played at a friend's funeral also played on her laptop one day.
"It felt like a warning from him. And it made me so furious with myself,” says Delevingne.