Vanderpump Rules Season 3 Episode 5 Recap: Does Katie Maloney Motorboat Crotch?

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Last night on Vanderpump Rules Season 3 Episode 5, Kristen and Tom returned to work at SUR after being suspended, while Stassi was given a big opportunity by Lisa.

Meanwhile, Tom Schwartz made a HUGE commitment (well, for him anyway) in hopes of appeasing Katie's concerns, while she also faced some hard core accusations.

What did those consist of, and how did everything go down (sort of literally)?

Picking up where Episode 4 left off, Vanderpump Rules Season 3 Episode 5 saw Schwartz try to get out of the doghouse after quitting his job at PUMP spectacularly.

To show he can commit to stuff, while also delaying marriage talks with Katie Maloney, he adopted a rescue dog! Which was silly looking but so, SO cute.

So cute, in fact, that she envisioned the puppy as the ring bearer in the wedding Tom desperately wants to avoid thinking about! So that totes backfired!

Meanwhile, if you watch Vanderpump Rules online, you know Lisa Vanderpump and Stassi Schroeder are often at odds. Well, this week things are good.

In fact, Lisa hired Stassi to be her stylist for a photo shoot, a gesture she felt was generous as the youngster could put the experience on her resume.

Yet Stassi didn't see it that way, feeling Lisa treated her like an assistant and not a professional. Lisa, for her part, felt her former staffer was ungrateful.

All of that took a back seat to the drama with Katie and Jax Taylor, however.

According to Jax and Scheana Marie, not only is it possible to motorboat someone’s crotch, but Katie did just that, between some unidentified actor’s legs!

Jax began relaying that Katie had cheated on Schwartz in this manner, a dubious claim because it's Jax, a man who lies like he gets pointless nose jobs.

Still, Scheana claimed she saw the entire incident, so the rumors spread.

Sadly, the actor who supposedly had his crotch motorboated by Katie Maloney was never revealed, but Jax and the accused motorboater had words.

When Tom Sandoval, Tom Schwartz and Jax joined Katie for brunch, Sandoval and Jax just grilled her on this alleged incident, while Schwartz did nothing.

Seriously. He just freaking sat there while Jax tore his girlfriend a new one.

Beyond whimpering “Bubby” a few times (whatever the heck that means), he did not stick up for his girl one iota ... or ask if the rumor was true for that matter.

Katie eventually stormed off after getting railroaded by that douche Jax.

When Tom Schwartz ran after her, did he at least defend her stance or comfort her? No, he told her that she was basically the instigator in all of this.

Now there's a standup guy. Totes future fiance and husband material.

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