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It was Thanksgiving in Quahog on Family Guy Season 13 Episode 5, though Brian and Peter were in more of a hungry mood than a gracious mood. They got drunk and devoured the entire turkey the night before the big meal.

Lois, naturally, was displeased with this development. She sent her husband and dog away to track down a replacement.

However, every supermarket within 60-mile radius was sold out.

Watch Family Guy Season 13 Episode 5 Online
Watch Family Guy Season 13 Episode 5 Online

They do finally track down a turkey far outside of town, with Peter trying to dunk it in a basketball court. So Brian takes control of the bird and tells Peter to drive home. Except he can’t operate a Hybrid and they crash into a lake.

With Peter still not home, Stewie talks Chris into stepping up as man of the house. He tries to play host and ends up giving the greatest Thanksgiving speech in recorded history (“Yesterday I’m microwaving a cat and today I’m giving a speech!”).


Back to Peter and Brian: they catch a bus back to town, only to get booted after the passengers discover Peter pooped on one of the seats. (In a Rite-Aid bag. But still.)

Meanwhile, Stewie tries to clean Chris up for his hosting gig, putting him in a sharp suit and slicking hair. Chris vows to try his best, unless Slender Man commands him to do otherwise.

Guests start to arrive, despite the absence of Peter, Brian and, of course, a turkey. Chris tries to distract them by putting his grandmother’s hand in his mouth and offering to show her his pubic hair… but it’s not going well.

As you can see when you watch Family Guy online (above) Chris is unable to deal with the pressure and chugs two bottles of alcohol in his room.

After a failed attempt to hitchhike, Brian and Peter stumble upon the County Zoo and figure they can capture a live bird.

So they embark on a wild goose turkey chase, which sends Brian flying into the lions den and leads to the best of all Family Guy quotes from the episode:

“Hey, it’s Thanksgiving. Shouldn’t you be in Detroit losing a football game right now?”

Via a dead flamingo, Peter saves Brian’s life and they apologize to each other. Back home, Stewie takes over hosting duties. While giving the toast, he takes a deep breath and… starts to come out as gay?!?

“I wasn’t planning on doing this today, but when I look around at all these open, loving faces of friends and family, I’m comfortable enough to finally say I am a proud, unashamed, active…"

At that, Brian and Peter return.

But Peter can’t kill a turkey he’s made out with, so he and Lois agree to keep the animal at Thanksgiving – not as the meal, but as their guest. And just as Lois proposes a toast, the bird explodes and sprays everyone with blood and feathers. The end!