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Recently, Martha Stewart dissed Gwyneth Paltrow in an interview, thus reminding the world once and for all that she may be all about seasonal wreaths and decorative window eggs, but if you step on her turf, she’ll open your jugular with a pair of pruning shears. 

Paltrow pretended to take it as a compliment, claiming that she was proud Stewart thought of her as competition.

It was the sort of passive-aggressive trash talk you might expect from the woman who coined the phrase “conscious uncoupling,” and now Stewart is firing back as only Martha Stewart can:

That’s a recipe from the latest issue of Martha Stewart Living, and yes, it’s titled “Conscious Coupling.” Better yet, the intro is crammed with subtle shots at Gwinnie:


“Every Thanksgiving should be blessed with the presence of a long-married pair who bring out the best in each other, are completely enamored despite their differences, and leave every other guest thinking, I’ll have what they’re having.”

Yep. Stewart was just like, “I see your subtle shade and I’ll raise you talking smack about your failed marriage!”

To recap, in the past week: Paltrow hit on President Obama at a fundraiser and got publicly told to sit the eff down in the pages of freakin’ Martha Stewart Living!

The organic squid ink in Gwyneth’s papyrus diary is gonna smeared by tears for the next month.