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Sorry, Peter Griffin. But you are no Walter White.

On Family Guy Season 13 Episode 3, the patriarch of this animated smash tried to get his Heisenberg on, as Lois started a blood drive in Quahog after learning of an earthquake in Haiti.

Watch Family Guy Season 13 Episode 3 Online
Watch Family Guy Season 13 Episode 3 Online

At the event, she talked Peter into giving blood by promising him a homemade cookie afterward. Pretty simple, right?

But it got far more complicated after Peter said his wife’s dessert was “even tastier than Connie Britton’s hair.”

Perhaps they should open a bakery, Peter suggests, an idea Lois believes sound romantic. The family quickly earns a loan because the bank employee is Cookie Monster. Naturally.


So Peter’s Wife Cookies is now open for business, but it’s struggling to bring in customers.

When Peter complains about the business not doing well, Quagmire, says he should hire hot girls to sell the cookies. After all: Giggity.

Cut to a long line out the door the following day, all thanks to new employees named Cookie, Sugar, Brown Sugar, Spice, Cinnamon and Butter. The store is now making money, but no one cares much about Lois’ original mission: raising funds for Haiti.

Stewie, meanwhile, has gotten hooked on cough syrup. He can’t stop drinking it. Or stop uttering Family Guy quotes such as: "I want to order…a kebob…and I want it to be veggie-meat-veggie-veggie-meat-meat-veggie."

Finally, however, Brian holds an intervention and gets Stewie to admit he has a problem. Brian then leaves to break up a masturbation intervention for Chris.

As for Peter’s Wife’s Cookies? It’s now your basic strip club, replete with poles and holes of glory. Business is booming! And Lois is angry.

After she storms out and Peter is left alone, he licks cookie dough of a 2-year old, gets sick, realizes all the strippers are laughing at the “fat and old” guy and gives up the shop.

He bakes Lois a "P&L cookie as an apology.

So now direct references to Breaking Bad or anything, but the episode was titled "Baking Bad." That’s pretty fantastic.

You can watch Family Guy online above in order to see how Peter’s attempts to get down and dirty failed miserably in comparison to those of a certain former high school science teacher on AMC.