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Following an epic crossover with The Simpsons last Sunday, Family Guy Season 13 Episode 2 kept its focus squarely on the citizens of Quahog.

Specifically, on Joe Swanson, as Peter came across his friend’s illustrations of a children’s book called The Hopeful Squirrel and soon learned that the former’s cop’s childhood dream was to be an author.

Impressed and inspired, Peter pushes Joe to publish his book, but not before offering up one key piece of advice:

“My one note on these would be to hide a bunch of dongs in the background.”

Watch Family Guy Season 13 Episode 2 Online
Watch Family Guy Season 13 Episode 2 Online

So Joe sends the story to Piermont Publishing under the fake name, David Chicago, and it turns into a huge hit. All of a sudden, Joe is invited to do readings at a local book store, yet his awful stage presence scares the kids.


Enter Peter.

He takes over the readings and the publisher loves him, deciding to brand Peter as David Chicago, making him the face of The Hopeful Squirrel.

(Conveniently, none of the Quahog residents appear to know Joe or Peter under the pen name, although one child recognizes Peter “as the man who passed out in liquor store.” Sounds about right.)

Elsewhere, Brian gets a crush on a runner named Chloe. At Stewie’s behest, he approaches the young woman, pretending to be a work out fiend himself.

She accepts his invitation to dinner… but then Brian goes to pick her up, Chloe desires to go on a run with him first. Sure, no problem, he responds. Except Brian can barely keep up.

He pushes through, however, sprinting up a hill and realizing a runner’s high, which the series depicts as a powerful, colorful mushroom trip, featuring a black sun and a Korean moon. To top it off, Brian sleeps with Chloe on their first date. Ooohh yeah!

But Brian is now all about running and breaks up with Chloe. He becomes an exercise junkie, even signing up for the Quahog Marathon. It doesn’t go as planned, however, as Brian breaks his ankle and falls, left to be painfully trampled to a bloody pulp by the other runners.

Back to Peter: He lets the game of being David Chicago go to his head, ignoring the actual message in Joe’s book. When Tom Tucker interviews Peter (between two ferns, hilariously), the latter sets Joe off with his response:

"I see these crippled kids walking down the sidewalk and I would just laugh and laugh so I thought I’d write a book about them."

The publisher than wants a sequel to The Hopeful Squirrel, but Joe won’t write it.

Peter steps in and his version includes a gay bunny, a monkey’s buzz saw hand and a token frog friend with a “cray-cray in a good way” signature line. At its first reading, Peter horrifies the kids and their parents, officially crushing all of Joe’s dreams.

In the end, Peter decides books are bad news, except for the ones sold at Urban Outfitters, like Dogs Who Look Like Presidents, concluding: “I like where the USA is headed."

Which were your favorite Family Guy quotes this week? Head to TV Fanatic to watch Family Guy online and sound off below on another classic episode.