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There isn’t much Dustin Diamond can say to surprise people anymore, and probably no way he can redeem himself, but darned if he isn’t trying.

After co-star Mark-Paul Gosselaar and Breckin Meyer dissed Dustin last week, good ol’ Screech is playing dumb and coy in a counter-interview.

He will concede Breckin’s point about his alleged penis size, though, acknowledging that the member on his infamous sex tape is not even his.

“I put the thing together. I got a stunt wang. I’m not an idiot. I’m not going to really put myself out there. So I got a stunt person to come in,” he says.

“And I thought, what if this thing makes $3 million? That’s nothing to scoff at. But after that people looked at me dirty, like, ‘He does porn’. No, I don’t!”

“I faked that one at a chance for millions. I’m an opportunist, really.”

Okay … that makes us feel infinitely better about Dustin Diamond.

 

Also, in the wake of the Saved by the Bell trailer‘s release, he says he didn’t even write his own tell-all about the show. Someone ghosted that $h!t. Dustin says.

“It was written by a ghost writer. I talked to a guy a few times, so there were people up in arms, ‘Oh! He’s putting all this trash out’. But I was like, ‘I didn’t even write it!'”

‘It has my name on it, but it was written by a ghost writer.”

“So all the things like that, the Fit Club, the porn, and the book were kind of like the one, two, three of the bad-boy image. But I’m done with that.”

Needless to say, regarding his stint on Celebrity Fit Club, “I had to gain weight to even be on the show. I had to keep it between me and producers.”

“I couldn’t tell the other cast members about it. And, like, I’m not mean at all. I’m the most approachable, laid-back guy in the world. I like to laugh more than anything else.”

“But I thought that being the bad guy on TV would show me in a believable light to convince casting directors to put me in Breaking Bad, or Dexter, or Law & Order.”

Obviously, that never panned out. But there’s always music?

“I know how to control my voice and sit within my vocal range,” he says. “I’ve always been musically inclined. I had a band. I played bass. I have perfect pitch.”

“I’ve always been gifted at that.”

Gifted is one word for him.