Rebbeca Martinson, the University of Maryland student who gained web notoriety after her insane sorority e-mail went viral, now has an advice column.
And why shouldn’t she? If there’s anyone who knows how to administer tough love or lay the smack down on BroBible readers when needed, it’s R-Mart.
In her first effort, Rebecca Martinson offers some advice to female readers about how to get a guy you meet at the bar to text you the following day.
Yes, she deploys the CAPS LOCK. And begins with the observation that “to most drunk guys a wet hole is a wet hole.” Becks always cuts to the chase.
Below are excerpts from Martinson’s official bro texting guide …
“I don’t think a single weekend has gone by during the semester where at least one of my roommates hasn’t moped her way onto one of our couches and begun whining about how some guy she met at the bar or wherever the night before hasn’t texted her yet.”
“‘But guys, he bought me, like, six rails!’ Well duh, he was trying to get into your pants.”
“There needs to be a public service announcement on E! in the middle of a Kardashians episode that says, ‘ATTENTION: NO SANE MAN GOES TO THE BAR TO NOT TRY TO STICK IT IN. HE IS NOT THERE TO GET TO KNOW YOU. HE IS NOT THERE TO HEAR YOU TALK ABOUT YOURSELF AND HOW MUCH YOU LOVE YOUR NEW SHADES OF NAIL POLISH. HE IS THERE TO GIVE YOU THE D FOR FREE!'”
In which case, this is how you do it …
1. Only half put out.
So I know this sounds counterintuitive, but hear me out. Look back at the lovely and informative PSA. Is it mentioned anywhere in there that he’s out trying to find a girl with a lovely personality and who cooks like Paula Deen on a crack binge while simultaneously being Jenna Jameson in the sack?
Nope. To most drunk guys a wet hole is a wet hole, and with each cranberry vodka you slurp down you’re both less likely to remember what either of you talked about. You could tell him you won the friggin’ lottery and the morning after he wouldn’t know it. This is why you only partially put out.
What comes next? Follow the above link and find out!