Jersey Shore Recap: Gym, Tan, Get Vinny Back!

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This week, the Jersey Shore house was in turmoil with possibly two men down. Could they turn it around by the end of the night and restore order to Seaside?!

It's been two episodes since Vinny Guadagnino peaced out, and it looked like The Situation - saddened by his lack of popularity - was about ready to follow suit.

He seemed to have a change of heart, though, after some joint birthday attention with Pauly. The question is whether the gang would also be Vinning again.

How did it play out? Come along as we recap Jersey Shore, THG style!

Vinny and Pauly D Photo

Mike was never really leaving, despite last week's birthday blues. He was sad, yes, but it was his own fault and even he knew it, and can you see Sitch turning down attention and sitting at home? Vinny, yes. Mike, no. Plus 6.

He's also sensitive deep down. Cancer, obvi. Plus 4.

"This is my family," insists Snooki. True, girl. Plus 2.

Shore Store boss / house owner Danny pretended to be upset about them not putting in effort at work and threatened to bring in some replacements. Right. Minus 10.

He says "the deal" was eight people under his roof and working for him, so, time to put up a fake Help Wanted sign. Can we just drop the pretense of work? Minus 17.

Jersey Shore thrives on authenticity - Team Meatball may be repulsive, but it is the real deal - so why stir up fake Shore Store drama? Oh yeah, to fill time. Plus 3.

Snooki warns whoever enters their "family" will get kicked by her. Again, truth. Plus 5.

Ron vows to make any new people that show up "uncomfortable in this house." Paula seems to have passed the dirty, grimy, sleazy test just fine however. Plus 9.

Snooki, Denna Picture

"You can't teach swag, you was born widdit," says Pauly. Yeah buddy. Plus 9.

The girls plan a man-friendly night for Pauly D and Mike at Karma. Awww! Plus 8.

Snooki and Deena go at it like rabbits in the party store. And most Tuesdays. Plus 6.

The gang consults the stripper-selling expertise of someone called the "Wizard of Ass." Better than the "Weapon of Ass Destruction," we suppose, so Plus 10.

Handcuffed to chairs as two huge cakes came rolling out, Pauly and Mike were beyond thrilled as two female strippers popped out. So their element. Plus 9.

Why are the chairs wheelchairs, though? To symbolize that they're way too old to be in a situation (pun intended) such as this? Minus 6.

No Vinny at his boyfriend's birthday surprise party, though. :( Minus 12.

Later on, Ronnie and Deena tried calling Vin again, but it went to voicemail. This led to Deena missing her "soul" and crying for once in her entire life. Plus 5.

Da Situation Pic

Roger's back but there must be no drama between himself and JWoww as the two are barely heard from. Lots of pushing (in a good way), probably. Plus 7.

The Unit is also in the house! Minus 23.

The next night was couple's night - Deena took one of Ron's friends, Mike took Paula - at Bamboo. Pauly went solo because that's how Pauly rolls it seems. Plus 5.

Snooki and Jionni smushed and slept instead. Plus 5.

Girl fight alert! When some random girl pulled on her "new weave," Sam threw her drink and and threw the f--k down. High-strung much, ladies? Minus 9.

"I was always taught to, like, self defend myself." - Sam. Borderline abuse by Ronnie for several years not withstanding, but Plus 4 since they're good now.

"It was me against the world. And I still held onto my clutch!" - Sam. Plus 3.

Mike performs his cologne ritual on his undercarriage before getting it in with Paula. If she can tolerate this guy, she's a total keeper. Wife it up Sitch. Plus 8.

Deena's alarm clock keeps going off as she tries "to do sex." Minus 23 for her saying that stupid phrase, but Plus 4 because you could call it a clock-block.

Jersey Shore Season 5 Cast

Operation GTGVB (gym, tan, get Vinny back) commenced. In other words, custom Vinny t-shirts and a two hour drive up to Staten Island to kidnap his a$$. Plus 9.

After ambushing the house in vintage Jersey Shore fashion, they found Vin in his room and smiles were on all their faces. This is why people love the show. Plus 11.

Vin showed off his new chest tattoo, saying "Let Go, Let God." Uhh, Minus 8.

V seemed genuinely delighted to see the gang and a bit less anxious to boot. Sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder (and a little sleep helps too). Plus 5.

Then everyone went back to Seaside. Vinny included. End scene. Plus 20.


Jersey Shore ...

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