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It’s a Christmas Party at the Gorgas last night on The Real Housewives of New Jersey, and according to Melissa’s sister, panties are optional.

Enough said. Let’s recap the festivities with THG’s +/- review!

We’ll start with pre-party planning. It sounds like Joe Guidice has a DUI conviction, then was driving while suspended for the DUI for which he spent 10 days in jail.

He’s being sued for fraud and is in the middle of very public and messy bankruptcy proceedings plus other legal issues that haven’t been discussed on the show. 

Teresa and Louie

It’s a life I wouldn’t want to have any part of but Plus 10 for keeping it interesting. 

Ashley has a birthday with all of her family and friends only the girl can’t seem to stop texting. Your friends are sitting right next to you. Who are you texting? Minus 7 for incredibly rude behavior.  At her age, she should know better.

The brand new Jeep Wrangler is Ashley’s birthday present. Supposedly she’s going to be picking up the $500 a month payments soon. I really wonder if she’s being set up to fail with this. 

I doubt her internship pays very much (most don’t). I know she lives at home for free but between the car payment, insurance (not cheap in Jersey), plus commuting and fuel costs this could get pricey. 

Or maybe I’m just naive and Mommy and step-Daddy are picking up the tab on all of that. Minus 5 to me for thinking of this in terms of my life and not like a Bravo Housewife.

Back at party central, Joe and Melissa meet with Fabulous Fred the party planner. He describes their options. They can pay for the model perfect servers who can speak well or the “roly poly servers with their bellies sticking out.” Fabulous isn’t the word I’d use to describe Fred. Minus 10 for being rude, crude, and sleazy.

Melissa keeps insisting that the party is for Jesus. Right, because Jesus would want a giant ice sculpture of Melissa and Joe Gorga. And Jesus was such a gambler that a Casino room is a must.

I’ll hand out a Plus 5 for tying the party to a children’s charity but seriously, I wish they would have told us how much the kid’s actually got. All I saw was a room with some toys. I think that $50,000 check they wrote for the party could have gone a long way at a children’s hospital. 

Maybe they could have split the difference if they had gone with the roly poly servers. Just a thought.

Back to the sleaze factor, is there ever a proper time to tell another man that his wife, “looks like a slut tonight.” Oh, Joe Gorga never fails to amuse and disgust. Minus 8.

One of my favorite moments was when Teresa says that the horrible scene at the christening has never happened in her family before. Does anyone else recall Teresa flipping a table at a party in season one? And that’s just what’s been caught on camera. Minus 7 for either being a complete hypocrite or having selective memory. I’m not sure which.

So, some guy accosts Joe Guidice about money he owes him and then Kathy and Teresa barely avoid coming to blows over their little feud. Just when you think we might get through this party unscathed, Kim G. shows up with Monica in tow. 

Kim G. is the height of well dressed trash. I’ve yet to see why anyone would be friends with this women. She’s mean, rude, and manipulative. 

But Joe and Melissa Gorga actually earned a Plus 10 for asking them to leave with as much civility as they could. 

The problem being that only Monica left. Kim G’s still there.

In the words of Melissa Gorga, “It’s Christmas. Let’s all eat, drink, and be f*ckin’ merry.” 


Tune in next week when the Kim G. fireworks are sure to fly.