Freaking Snooki Rides Rocket in Rolling Stone

by at . Comments

Effing Snooki.

Rolling Stone, which has already jumped the shark so many times that it must pass out due to sheer exhaustion, keeps on lowering its declining standards.

This month, Jersey Shore star Nicole Polizzi, a.k.a. Snooki, does what she does best and straddles something. This time it's an inanimate object, a rocket:

Snooki Riding

Apparently “Snooki’s Wild Ride” includes plans for a Snooki Empire, a la Jessica Simpson, replete with spinoffs and shilling for any product imaginable.

“When Jersey Shore ends I’m going to do more spinoffs,” she says.

“If MTV doesn’t want them, another network will be, like, ‘What does Snooki do now?’ or ‘Snooki’s getting married!’ What I’d like is to turn out like Jessica Simpson, with her whole brand. She makes millions. I’m trying to build an empire."

"I can’t get a normal job. I mean, how do I go sit behind a desk?”

Why would anyone would want her behind said desk is also a good question - one Snook must realize, as she acknowledges her absurd behavior ...

“It messes with your head,” Polizzi says of the Jersey Shore house.

“That’s why we go crazy. That’s why we fight with each other. That’s why we drink so much. We’re living in a house for two months with that sh!t."

We can’t have cellphones, TV, radio or the Internet. If the president died, we’d have no idea. There’s no normalcy. It’s like prison, with cameras.”

Prison with lots and lots and lots of smushing. Or is there?

"The guys you see me bring home, we're only cuddling and making out like any other person," says Snooki, insisting only her boyfriend has tagged that. "But on camera with the whole world's seeing it, and it does look like I'm having sex."

She also forgot Vinny probing that pinhole. Just saying.

Tags: ,