The Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap: Bad Dancing, Elderly Engagements

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Sheree returned! Peter proposed! And our intern somehow managed to keep all her food down while watching the latest installment of The Real Housewives of Atlanta. A detailed recap follows...

After being MIA for most of last week's episode, Sheree came roaring back big time. In an Aston Martin no less.  After all, she needs to reward herself for surviving her arduous divorce. She's also been asked to participate on Dancing with the Stars of Atlanta, a charity event.  Because Sheree's all about giving back, she accepts the challenge and goes about proving to the world she can dance.  Can she? 

In a word: NO.

Kim shows off her brand new, gold drenched, Napoleonic office to her kids and parents.  She also surprises Ariana with her new $60,000 bedroom.  Brielle is fuming.  Apparently a 2,000 square foot bedroom that takes up the top half of the house doesn't cut it for the fugly brat anymore.

Nene and Maloria, Cynthia's sister, prep for Cynthia's surprise engagement party.  50-year-old Peter asked for their help because he's finally popping the question after three years.  It works! 50-year-old Peter surprises eyelash-less Cynthia with a huge ring which elicits about as much reaction from Cynthia as watching paint dry.  Nene thought the rock showed more emotion but to each his own.   Cynthia promises 50-year-old Peter she won't be a runaway bride.  Mmm-hmmm.

Meanwhile, Phaedra starts packing for the impending arrival of her baby with the help of her assistant and a friend.  Labor is being induced (yes, that's her story and she's sticking to it!) and as Phaedra so eloquently put it "this baby is ready to come out of her vagina." All class she is.  P

Phaedra seems inconvenienced by this baby.  Milk?  Penis ointment?  A 50-cent piece wrapped in gauze taped to the navel?  Damn it all to hell what the doctors and nurses say, this baby's being raised country!

Sheree starts practicing for her dance debut and from what her partner, Derek Walters, and one of the judges can see, a 2x4 has more style and rhythm.  Sheree, however, is not concerned.  Whatever mirror she gazes into has her convinced that she's ready to take on the ballroom masters of the world.

Kandi and Lawrence start working in the studio on his "Closet Freak" track.  Ladyboy Lawrence has a set of pipes on him and can actually sing so Kandi knows that this single will be a hit.  Lawrence tells Kandi about Kim dissing "The Ring Don't Mean A Thing" all over town and Kandi is none too happy about that.  She's fed up with Kim's crappy, lazy attitude.  Find someone else to write your songs beeyotch!

Cynthia goes bridal gown shopping with her mom and sister to give her stylist some ideas.  She's a supermodel, after all, and can't just buy off the rack. 

She promises Mom and sis she won't be a runaway bride but she is getting overwhelmed by all this wedding business.  Mmm-hmmm.  Cynthia's afraid of being stuck in a loveless, dependent, controlling, abusive marriage like Mom was and she never wants that for herself.

The day of Sheree's big dance event arrives, as does Sheree in her Aston Martin and her glam team.  These days big "Atlanta stars" prep in public restrooms instead of dressing rooms it seems.  While Sheree continues on her delusional journey, her guests begin to arrive. 

Nene brings Gregg (trailing behind like a hound dog ) as her "date" and freezes him out for the entire night. Kim drools over Atlanta Falcons defensive end Kroy Biermann and his ass.  Future baby daddy?  Nene gets all hot and bothered by "black berry" 50-year-old Peter.  Who knew?! 

Kim tells Kandi she'll get vocal lessons.  Kandi has an 'uh-huh' attitude. Sheree needs to raise $5,000 for the event.  The table decides to donate $20. Wearing a costume that appears to be from Johnny Weir's reject pile, Sheree demonstrates her wooden dance moves and elicits yawns and grimaces.  The judges give her high scores proving they must be high.  Sheree's proud of herself because she moved out of her comfort zone. 

Which is exactly how the audience felt throughout this debacle... uncomfortable!


The Real Housewives of Atlanta Quotes

[to Kenya Moore] You best hope nothing happens to me, because you might not have a job. I'm your storyline. I sustain your career . . . I built you, so stop playing games.

Apollo Nida

[to Kenya Moore] "You a sneaky, trifling slut."

Phaedra Parks