The traditional pre-season finale “Women Tell All” reunion special of The Bachelor is always mostly filler – and a total misnomer, as they really tell surprisingly little.
Still, there were fireworks as Rozlyn Papa returned to confront Chris Harrison and the stage was set for next week’s epic Tenley Molzahn-Vienna Girardi showdown.
As always, THG endured two freaking hours of the colon-tastic The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love: The Women Tell All to recap all the action in our +/- system:
Jake said self-defecating when he meant self-deprecating. Plus 3.
Wes Hayden of last season’s Bachelorette is back for some reason. He says he’s getting “a thousand more nibbles” on his dating pole these days. Gross. Minus 4.
Crazy ass Michelle tried to explain her crazy ass behavior, but just came across as even more unstable. Her best defense: “Ask my friends. I have a job!” Plus 9.
Chris Harrison didn’t let up on Rozlyn Papa, but she held her own.
Rozlyn Papa was confronted by fellow Bachelor hopefuls about her relationship with producer Ryan Callahan, which got them both fired from the show. According to Ella, Rozlyn got on all fours, in wearing booty shorts and said to the women, “If you see [Ryan], send him in … I need to be put to bed!” Plus 40.
The venerable host and pimp of The Bachelor, Chris Harrison, then took his turn with Rozlyn, accusing her of making stories up like his young son does. Minus 16.
She wouldn’t back down though. When he said he was saddened by having to let “his friend” go, Rozlyn countered that Chris is no friend, having hit on Ryan’s wife in New Zealand. Chris refused to “dignity that with a response.” Awkward! Plus 25.
Shirtless Jake Pavelka has a tough decision to make next week.
The girls all praise Ms. Perfect, Tenley Molzahn. Jessie: “She almost fell out of a Disney movie.” Gia: “She sh*ts rainbows.” Minus 34 for them feeding us this crap just so we’re devastated when Tenley loses next week. Brace for the pain.
Despite hating on her all season, the girls go easy on Vienna. Even Ali Fedotowsky apologized. Weak. Minus 46. We want catty comments and chairs thrown.
The next Bachelorette is going to be Ali Fedotowsky. In her interview, she said: “I believe life is measured by the risks we take … If I could go back and do it differently, I probably would. I’m an advocate of women having careers, but I don’t want to look back and say I didn’t love enough.” Excellent writing, story editors! Plus 30.
TOTAL: -3. SEASON: +9.
Who should Jake Pavelka give his final rose to next week?