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During a Sirius XM radio interview with Barbara Walters last night, American Idol judge Paula Abdul opened up about Paula Goodspeed, the troubled fan that committed suicide outside Abdul’s home a few weeks ago.

Abdul said she begged producers not to let Goodspeed audition for Season 5 of the competition; however, she was overruled by those that though the aspiring singer would be entertaining.

Paula Abdul has frightening memories of Paula Goodspeed.

“She had been writing disturbing letters for 17 years, almost 18 years,” Abdul said, adding that she “had restraining orders at times” against Goodspeed and that she was “shaking” the day her biggest fan auditioned for the show.

From that point on, Abdul received naked photos of Goodspeed in the mail, along with letters that threatened her with “bodily harm.”

“She said the only way I will serve her purpose is when I’m up in heaven being her guardian angel,” Abdul said.