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Below are some enlightening highlights from the world of celebrity quotes, courtesy of People magazine and other Hollywood news sources…

“Every day I have eaten ham and cheese sandwiches, I can’t get enough of them. Wish they had these back in the States.” – Jessica Alba

“To me, Botox is no more unusual than toothpaste. It works. You do it once a year. Who cares?” – Simon Cowell

Maddie Poppe Wins American Idol
Photo via ABC

“I hope Santa Claus rapes your f%*king mothers.” – American Idol reject Danny Noriega, in a special holiday video tape that surfaced this week

“I actually texted her. It was really sad. She must be going through a hard time.” – Audrina Patridge on the death of Heidi Montag’s stepbrother

“Models are back to what they were in the ’70s: clothes hangers.” – New America’s Next Top Model judge Paulina Porizkova

“I’m so happy. I can’t ask for anything more … except big boobs.” – Nicole Kidman on pregnancy

“I love everything she does. If she does a poop and I have to change the diaper, I love that!” – Salma Hayek, on her daughter with Francois Henri-Pinault

“I like Britney. Today, first we were dancing slow, and then faster and faster … Then we did the fish-move and lots of other fun things.” – an impressionable 5-year-old after taking a dance class with Britney Spears

“It’s just rumors, man.” – Adnan Ghalib on reports that he has been cheating on Britney Spears and sending sordid text messages to other girls