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Talk about splitting hairs.

When Hollywood’s whore-able ho-tel heiress and the reigning celebrity gossip king (or queen, as he calls himself) get together in Southern California, the only question on our minds is who we’d rather be stranded on a desert island with.

Well, we might pick Hayden Panettiere before either one. Just maybe.

Carter Reum, Wife
Photo via Getty Images

But let’s assume Paris and Perez Hilton were the only pair of options in this scenario. Clearly, they know the kind of conundrum this poses.

As Paris Hilton and the celebrity gossip blog god who co-opted her name (as well as copyrighted celebrity photos without permission) strut down the street, the debate is on…

Who sucks worse? It truly is a duel to the death.