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Chock full of credibility, Linday Lohan is claiming she did not drunkenly chase her assistant before being arrested for drunk driving early yesterday morning… and that the cocaine found IN HER POCKET belonged to someone else.

First lies first: Sources connected to the actress tell TMZ both Lindsay, who was driving a Denali, and the Escalade in front of her, driven by the mother of Lindsay’s former assistant, were both being chased in a “unsafe and threatening” manner.

There are no photos of the evening, so it’s unclear if perhaps a celebrity gossip reporter was actually on Lohan’s tail during the incident. Even if this was the case, of course, it doesn’t change the fact that a drunk, high Lohan got behind the wheel.

Lindsay and Bader Image

But, wait! The girl who now makes Pete Doherty look clean is claiming those drugs found on her were actually someone else’s.

In an email to Access Hollywood‘s Billy Bush, Lohan said: “I am innocent… did not do drugs they’re not mine. I was almost hit by my assistant Tarin’s mom. I appreciate everyone giving me my privacy.”

Lindsay Lohan really is a role model of generosity, isn’t she? Who among us would be so kind as to hold on to a friend’s bag of cocaine? Brynn Cameron should really hire this actress as a baby sitter.

We can assure Lindsay, however, that privacy shall soon be all hers. We promise never to visit this lawbreaking skank in jail.