Martha Stewart

Martha Stewart was a demanding mother who forced her child to wrap her own presents and often pees with the door open. So daughter Alexis has revealed in a new memoir, "Whateverland: Learning to Live Here."

How does the domestic guru feel about this book's release? Just fine, thanks, she said today on the Hallmark Channel's Martha.

"How many Google alerts have I gotten in the last couple days?" Martha joked on-air, adding that she read the book "a month and a half ago... It is hilarious [and] enlightening."

Alexis has backed off statements made in the tell-all a bit, saying to Us Weekly that many are an "exaggeration of the truth." But, regardless, Martha says she has nothing to be ashamed of:

"I must have instilled in her some good habits. She's tall, beautiful, gorgeous and mother of baby Jude and that's all that counts. The book is out late October wherever books are sold. I encourage you to buy it, read and make it a best seller."

She claims to be the perfect homemaker, but a new book calls into question Martha Stewart as a perfect mother. And the author of this book? Martha's daughter, Alexis.

The 46-year old slams her famous parent in "Whateverland: Learning to Live Here," writing of her childhood: "If I didn't do something perfectly, I had to do it again. I grew up with a glue gun pointed at my head."

Labeling the domestic television goddess as "not interesting in being kid-friendly," Alexis goes into detail about Martha's Christmas present philosophy (""She used to make me wrap my own presents...") and hypocritical shoe removal demands.

"My mother has a sign on all of her doors to take your shoes off," Alexis writes. "For god's sake! My mother's dogs p--s and s--t on her rugs and she's telling people to take their shoes off?"

Seth Meyers is a very funny man. Seriously, did you listen to his remarks at The White House Correspondents' Dinner?

Now, according to The National Enquirer, homemaking maven Martha Stewart is the latest to benefit from this comedian's sense of humor.

That tabloid claims the seemingly mismatched pair are a couple, as "Seth has been on Martha’s TV show four times and they’ve grown to like each other a lot." Moreover, a source says Stewart "needs to laugh" these days.

How come?

Just a week ago, Martha Stewart and Rachael Ray made appearances on each other's daytime talk shows, and everything was civil enough between them.

That was then and this is now, however.

In interview set to air tonight on ABC's Nightline, her highness of homemaking shot down any would-be comparisons with her long-rumored younger rival.

"Well, to me, she professed that she could - she cannot bake," Martha Stewart said in reference to Rachael Ray. "She just did a new cookbook, which is basically just a reedit of a lot of her old recipes. And that's not good enough for me."

"Rachael is different. She is more of an entertainer ... with her bubbly personality, than she is teacher, like me. That's not what she's professing to be."

That sound you hear is of it being on.

To be fair, Martha's thoughts on Ray didn't stream out unprovoked, but were provoked by interviewer Cynthia McFadden and some leading questions.

"I mean, she drops things on the floor and throws them in the batter and that just is not Martha Stewart," McFadden said of The Rachael Ray Show.

And when McFadden asked Stewart if Ray is misleading audiences about her skill set, the insider trader even stood up for her counterpart. Kind of.

"She can, but she does it very differently than I do. She's a totally different kind of cook than I am. I don't know if she has a garden, I don't think so."

"If she does, she doesn't show that on her show so much."

Rachael Ray, meanwhile, refrained from retaliation, saying "I really just think she's being honest. She has a better skill set when it comes to producing a beautiful, perfect, high-quality meal. I'd rather eat Martha's than mine, too."

Boo. Way to deprive us of a potentially good bitch-fest, Rache.

Oh well, there's always this eternal question: Who's hotter?!

Note to kids out there: Who needs education? Just draw semen on photos of celebrities and one day, you too can be interviewed by Martha Stewart.

Yes, the celebrity gossip blogging god known as Perez Hilton talked all about his life and his burgeoning career with Stewart on her show this week.

Whether you're a big fan or absolutely despise him, this is actually an interesting interview with the self-proclaimed "Michael Phelps of blogging."

One is known for hurling a telephone at hotel employees. The other is known for hurling insults at Donald Trump and Rachael Ray.

But nothing brings people together quite like carving up a murdered turkey for Thanksgiving. After all, when was the last time you even saw Russell Crowe smile?

He's certainly lighting up here, though. The actor and Martha Stewart are having a grand old time on the latter's cooking show. The only thing missing from the festivities?

Eminem, of course. But Stewart hopes she can change that.

Pop quiz, home making hot shot: You're feuding with Donald Trump and Rachael Ray ... you're a former convict ... and you have man-like hands.

What do you do to return to prominence?!?

You make a request for Eminem to appear on your television show, of course.

So goes the thinking of Martha Stewart; not because Slim Shady can knit or bake brownies - but because audience members love his music.

"We play his music during breaks to keep people very lively and they love him," Stewart told AP Radio in a recent interview.

"I would really love to have Eminem on the show," the 65-year-old lifestyle guru continued. "I don't think he knows that my demographic audience is so involved in Eminem music."

We don't think anyone did. What would 50 Cent say if his mentor appeared on a cooking program?

As for Stewart, she hopes Eminem can teach her a thing or two about music.

"I can't pick up a guitar and play a fantastic song. ... I cannot sit down at a piano and do that," she said. "I'm happy about my knowledge in so many different subjects relating to living, but in terms of specifics, I don't know if I'd be really very good on `The Young and the Restless.'"

We're not sure what that means, either. Is "Young and Restless" the excuse Jessica Simpson is using for cheating on Nick Lachey with Bam Margera?

We're mostly referring to the competition that kicks off today when Rachael Ray debuts her new talk show.

But apparently more than mere ratings are being fought over. According to reports, four staffers from the Martha Stewart show tried to sneak into a taping of Ray's show last week, but a security guard who works for both shows recognized them and had them ejected.

A source, unfortunately, claims there's no real feud in the works, however.

"[The spies] were kicked out because they lied about their names. Otherwise they would have been welcome to stop by."

A Stewart spokesman says the quartet weren't asked to leave by the guard, but by one of Martha's former audience coordinators who now works for Ray. It all sounds a bit off. Does Stewart really need another riva, on top of Donald Trump?

And all her former cellmates that are still rotting away in prison.

Does it get any better than a fight between two egomaniacal, rich, reality television stalwarts?

Probably.

Nevertheless, the feud between Donald Trump and Martha Stewart has returned and caught our interest. Stewart is blasting Trump for firing former Apprentice sidekick, Carolyn Kepcher.

"Donald is out of control," Stewart said. "By the time he's finished, he will have fired everyone around him and there will be nobody left."

The Martha even went on to pretend to pity The Donald.

"Poor Donald will be sitting there on his little pedestal all by himself. He needs to be careful!"

The two self-involved, spoiled celebrities first butted heads in October 2005, when Trump blamed Stewart for pulling viewers away from his own Apprentice with a lame version of her own.

The feud came to a head in February, when Trump skewered Stewart in an open letter, blaming her performance for her show's failure, ending it with a warning:

"Be careful or I will do a syndicated daytime show, perhaps called The Boardroom, and further destroy the meager ratings you already have!"

Wow. If only Dancing with the Stars could be this heated.

"I almost can't believe my long-time friend Donald Trump wrote it," Stewart said in a statement to People magazine at the time.

And we can't believe Suri Curise exists. These things happen.

Six years ago, Martha Stewart said she was leaving Westport, CT. She seems to actually mean it this time, but there's one problem: no one wants to buy her mammoth, well kept abode.

A quick word of advice to Stewart: don't bother asking the parents of Michael Jackson. They can barely afford their own house.

The ex-con has been trying for more than two months to sell her early 19th century, federal-style farmhouse for $9 million. Real estate experts say it's not unusual for luxury homes to take at least a few months to sell - even those with Martha's famous touch.

"It's the most beautiful property I've ever seen," said Eileen Hill, president of the Mid Fairfield County Association of Realtors. "Every blade of grass stands at attention."

Sounds like the grass is as well-trained as Katie Holmes is.

The town, which is also home to actor Paul Newman and singer Michael Bolton, is taking Stewart's departure well. Very, very well.

"There was certainly no real sense of loss," said Cristin Marandino, editor of Westport Magazine. "I think 70% of the people who live in Westport have a Martha story. She just wasn't very easy to live with."

Stewart occasionally ran into trouble with neighbors upset with her film crews and behavior.

"I am so sad to be leaving this property which has meant so much to me and my family," Stewart said. "The four acres of garden have been tended with great care for more than 30 years and the circa 1805 farmhouse and outbuildings have been the location of wonderful family celebrations, legendary television specials and comfortable gatherings of friends."

Legendary, for sure. Sort of like how Hell's Kitchen is legendary.