Spencer Pratt
Gossip

"I hate my love handles. All the sit-ups in the world don't make a difference. Some girls say they actually like them because they can grab on to 'em to hug me, but I'd prefer a tight six-pack. Once, on the beach, my friend Kelly poked me and said sarcastically, you're really cut. Not funny."
- Spencer Pratt

Somehow, some way, a 17-year-old Spencer Pratt was named of YM Magazine's "Hunks in Trunks" way back in August of 2000. No wonder the mag folded in 2004.

As the quote above shows, the sleazy one had some body issues. Appropriate, considering the Heidi Montag plastic surgery debacles of 2007-2010 ...

"HUNKY" SPENCER: YM had great taste in guys ... not.

We don't want to jinx it, but Spencer Pratt, master manipulator and media madman, has remained mute regarding the whole Heidi Montag plastic surgery debacle.

Speaking out for the first time to People, Heidi's husband says he supports her, but at the same time he isn't totally in favor of what she did. A politician at work!

For the past three years, while Heidi Montag has obsessed about her imperfections and eagerly planned her 10 procedures, Pratt was there to voice his opinion.

"Anytime I hinted that it might be a little much or if I just asked if she was sure, I even felt like I was crossing lines," Spencer Pratt says. "I'm not in charge of what she does with any part of her body. I'm her husband – not her owner."

What a surprisingly lenient pimp/manager.

GROSS: Spencer Pratt moves in for a hot, surgically-altered plastic kiss.

To Spencer, his wife of a year was perfect to begin with, but "everyone sees themselves differently when they look in the mirror ... nobody truly understands how she feels except her. I may not be okay with things, but it's not my call."

Throughout the seven-week-plus recovery from her 10 procedures, Pratt played nurse day and night. But the hardest part of all was seeing his wife post-surgery.

"Right after ... it was the worst experience of my life," Pratt said. "Nobody that loves a loved one should see that." Talk about a ringing endorsement right there!

"At the end of the day we do share a same opinion," says Heidi, appreciative of her man being honest. "It's my body and I need to feel comfortable as a woman, as a person, and my inner beauty is always there and that's what's most important."

Except it's clearly not most important, otherwise you wouldn't have had your face butchered over the course of a few years. But whatever helps you sleep at night!

Heidi Montag looks/looked way better ...

Yesterday, Spencer Pratt issued a Twitter challenge to his followers: Send in what you think the cover of his first single, "I'm a Celebrity," should look like.

What you see below is not the real cover (check out his Twitter for that). But we think the one we made is a fitting tribute to the man's unique greatness ...

You may recall the pulsating beats and lyrical brilliance of "I'm a Celebrity" from last summer's reality show of the same name, which starred Speidi.

Anyone know what inspired our artwork? Follow the jump to see what other musical genius (and his amazing pants) spawned this Spencer Pratt spoof ...

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A woman of zero many talents, Heidi Montag now fashions herself a writer.

The Hills star recently penned a poem for her husband, Spencer Pratt, and - surprise, surprise! - she wants the whole world to read her expression of love.

"Here is a poem I wrote for my hubby Spencer [Pratt]," she Twittered.

In the untitled prose, Heidi writes about their "flawless lives" and how she has "no more anxiety or stress" because "all that matters" in this world is him.

Spencer and Heidi: the embodiment of true love.

You may vomit on cue. But if it's this or her giving interviews about him making her orgasm all day long ... maybe we can stomach the poem a little better.

Follow the jump to read the unintentionally hilarious prose from reality star, author, model, aspiring signer, full-time celebrity and now poet, Heidi Montag:

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It's a good thing winter is here in much of the country - it's the time of year for earmuffs. Spencer Pratt is now the owner of his own music company.

Oh yes, really. According to documents filed recently, Pratt was declared the owner and founder of "King Spencer Music" back on November 18.

All for a filing fee of $23.

As to what sort of music Spencer's record company will produce, we can only guess. But it's safe to say it will greatly feature his wife Heidi Montag.

Heidi's rare brand of talent, if you can call it that (which you can't) will likely be the primary focal point of The Hills star's most recent endeavor.

MUSIC EXEC: Spencer Pratt means biz.

Speidi has gone through reality shows, caused controversy with reporters, and have even written a book titled How to Be Famous. They certainly know how to do that, although they may be kidding themselves if they expect big record sales.

If you listen to music today, you're bound to hear some if not most artists aided by Auto-Tune, a phase vocoder that corrects pitch in vocal performances.

Thus, it has enabled individuals with no ability to sing, such as Kanye West, Heidi Montag and Britney Spears, among many others, to pretend they can!

In addition to correcting inaccuracies, auto-tuning vocoders can also be used to amusingly distort a human voice if pitch is dramatically raised or lowered.

Using this technology, you can turn anything into a good song. That said, below is a video detailing the year that was: synched up and perfectly in tune!

Here's Spencer Pratt, Octomom, Lady Gaga, Balloon Boy, Jon Gosselin, Sully the airline pilot, Kanye himself and even the U.S. President recapping 2009 ...

On the season finale of The Hills, Spencer Pratt finally learned if Heidi is knocked up, while Justin refused to let Kristin Cavallari break things off without a fight.

As always, The Hollywood Gossip staff looks back at the major developments on Tuesday's episode of The Hills, awarding and deducting points as we see fit ...

Minus 2 for the obligatory, scripted Stacie-Kristin opening discussion.

Spencer on Heidi's tactics: "That's straight hijacking sperm!" Plus 3.

Audrina Patridge feels that she has to see Justin - one last time - for closure. Minus 12 because we've heard that many times before, spanning two seasons.

Kristin tells Justin-Bobby she doesn't want a boyfriend right now. That or she just doesn't want one who mumbles constantly and bathes infrequently. Plus 4.

Spencer: "Am I a grown up, Enzo?" Enzo: "I dunno!" Plus 3.

Brody's friend Taylor, a.k.a. Sleazy T, is engaged! To Abbey Wilson, Joe Francis' ex and the girl behind his fight with Jayde Nicole! Plus 11 for the randomness.

Kristin and Justin-Bobby are, like, a couple now. Yes, really.

Heidi has officially morphed into a skanky Barbie doll. Minus 4.

Wow, Jayde Nicole isn't crazy or clingy at all. Wow. Brody did the right thing and decided to end things, at least... if he goes through with it. Plus only 2 for now.

Kristin admits that maybe her bitchiness / bad-girl attitude is just a facade that stems from attachment issues after her parents' divorce. How ... honest! Plus 7.

Justin to Audrina: "Maybe I didn't commit because you weren't the one." Minus 6, but Plus 9 for her rebuttal that he's going to die alone. Harsh but necessary.

Plus 15 for Heidi Montag drawing out her answer, a la Season 2, when Spencer asks if she's preggers: "I was hoping ... it's my dream ... but ... I'm not." Way to make him squirm a little, Heidi. But Minus 10 because WE KNOW.

Apparently inspired by Audrina telling him off, Justin-Bobby bears his soul and says he's not ready to let Kristin go ... and she's all for it! Minus only 3, because while they totally gross us out, we can't say we saw it coming - for once.

TOTAL: +15! SEASON TOTAL: +105! Week in and week out, The Hills remains a fun guilty pleasure, and the season finale was no exception. But without Lauren Conrad, things aren't the same. Speidi can't carry it alone, and we're indifferent on Kristin.

Will the show be back for another season? Should it be back? What was your favorite part of last night's finale - and the season overall? Comment and tell us!

The fifth season of The Hills comes to an end tonight, and Spencer Pratt is stressing that Heidi Montag may be knocked up despite his wishes and efforts.

In a basketball-court chat with Brody Jenner about her sneaky attempts to get pregnant - with or without his consent - Spencer laments his predicament.

"There's a chance that I'm about to be Pratt Daddy for real," he tells Jenner, noting that Heidi's gone rogue and he found a pregnancy test in the trash.

After telling Brody about their "conversation," Spencer Pratt is informed by his old friend that it's not really a conversation if no one listens. How true.

Spencer and Brody: BFFs 4 life (as long as LC's not around).

Still, Spencer continues, saying that Heidi's tactics amount to "like a sperm kidnapping." Adds a smiling Jenner: "That's scary, man." Oh yes. It certainly is.

It might be more compelling if there were a chance in hell she was actually pregnant, but somehow we doubt the show will stun us with that revelation.

Also tonight, we will see how the fake love pentagon between Brody, Justin-Bobby, Kristin Cavallari, Jayde Nicole and Audrina Patridge is resolved. Woo.

Follow the jump for a clip from The Hills finale ...

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Tuesday night on The Hills, Spencer Pratt was convinced Heidi Montag might be preggers, while Kristin Cavallari and BFF Stacie took off for a girls weekend.

As always, The Hollywood Gossip staff looks back at the major developments on Tuesday's episode of The Hills, awarding and deducting points as we see fit ...

En route to Vegas, Stacie opines that her chances of hooking up are 90% while Kristin's are 65%. So she deems herself 25% more skanky? We'll buy it. Plus 3.

Forget Mr. Right, the girls say as they pre-party for their big night out in Sin City. Bring on Mr. Right Now! Groan. Minus 4. So creative and not at all scripted.

Scruffy Spencer Pratt pal Charlie is apparently the all-knowing oracle of baby-making schemes perpetrated by girls. Plus 2, because you gotta wonder why.

Bored with girls night out after like 15 minutes, Kristin Cavallari leaves a voicemail for a mystery man. Gee, we wonder who. Minus 3 for the fake suspense.

Spencer takes Heidi out for sushi to "test" her. She passes on wine, and on raw fish, then nonchalantly brings up neighbor Enzo to complete the trifecta. Plus 5.

Which couple from The Hills grosses you out more?

In the morning, Stacie learns Kristin brought a guy home and he's in her shower! Minus 5 for MTV expecting us to believe Justin-Bobby drove five hours in response to this booty call, but Plus 8 for him bathing for the first time in history.

Audrina Patridge has dinner with Justin-Bobby bud Derek and says she's DONE! She's SO over him! For GOOD! Until next week's promos, that is. Pathetic. Minus 14.

Kristin, Justin and Stacie hit a strip club, where the latter complains about being a third wheel. Minus only 1, though, because Kristin wants to "learn how to work a pole."

Plus 17 for the obligatory Kristin-Stacie kissing scene. These two girls are such attention whores, it's really sad in a way. But hey, at least they're good at it.

Charlie: "Dude, you gotta be you." Spencer: "Me is not a baby." LOL. Plus 12.

Justin: [in bed the next day] "How you feelin'?" Kristin: "Pretty bad, but not as bad as I should." Justin: "That's 'cause I'm here." Massive eye roll. Minus 8.

TOTAL: +12! SEASON TOTAL: +90! Kristin and Stacie may be painful at times, but you've gotta give them credit for stirring up trouble, which is their sole reason for existing. We love the Spencer-Charlie heart-to-hearts, too.

Spencer Pratt finds a pregnancy test in the trash on The Hills tonight.

This can only mean one thing: MTV told him to say he found it there and pretend to profess his deep concern that Heidi Montag might be pregnant.

He confides in pal Charlie that he took her to Hollywood hot spot Katsuya "for a little alcohol test." He says she didn't even have a sip! Case closed!

"What if she's already pregnant?" a worried Spencer Pratt asks Charlie, stating that if she is, their marriage is "game over." Mmm hmm. Sure it is.

Spencer loves to show Heidi his o-face. This, however, is his nooooo-face!

This season, Heidi Montag has been even more vocal about her desire to have kids than she is when Spencer's giving her 20-30 orgasms a day.

Much as Spencer likes tapping that mostly-plastic booty, he's been adamant about not having kids. He even pretended to consider a vasectomy.

Last week on The Hills, Heidi planned retaliation on him for his little doctor visit, telling Audrina Patridge she planned on pulling the goalie soon.

If any of this were real, it would make for compelling television. But alas. Check out a clip of Spencer freaking on tonight's episode post-jump:

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