Porn News

Reading through a handful of The Simpsons quotes? Hilarious.

Ogling one of those cartoon characters in the buff? Creepy and unexpected.

But try telling that to Hugh Hefner. The blue-haired matriarch of everyone's favorite fake family graces the cover of next month's Playboy, as Marge Simpson does her best Tila Tequila impression.

As a housewife and mother of three, we fear that Marge's pictorial - which includes a three-page spread and interview - sets a bad example. What will Maggie think when she gets old enough to use Google? How will Bart's classmates react to these images?

It's really all the fault of Kate Gosselin. Clearly jealous of the attention that famous mom has received, Marge set out to reclaim the spotlight. Mission (grossly) accomplished...

Marge Simpson in Playboy: Cool or creepy?

What's the next best thing to Robert Pattinson nude?

Okay, it's Robert Pattinson shirtless.

But what's the next best thing after this that will satisfy Twilight Saga fans? That's easy:

An adult film actor pretending to be Pattinson's Edward Cullen and making love on camera to a faux Bella Swan.

That's exactly what fans can expect in This Isn't Twilight: The XXX Parody, a pornographic movie that officially proves Twlight has gone mainstream. The flick will be released on October 15.

Which movie are you more likely to see?

Taking over the role of Bella from Kristen Stewart will be Jenna Haze, the Female Performer of the Year at the 2009 AVN Awards. She has anchored such mature fare as Spunk'd 6, Load Warrios and This Ain't the Munsters XXX.

For the record, the first 29 installments of This Ain't the Munsters were much better.

NFL star, malcontent and Tony Romo teammate Terrell Owens is bitching that he's no porn star, despite a picture of him allegedly walking onto the set of an adult film, as depicted on a hard core adult website.

The photo shows the Dallas Cowboys wide receiver strolling into an adult photo shoot with a huge smile on his face. The shot somehow wound up on TheDirty.com, with the clever headline "T.O. Loves Porn."

Terrell Owens? Not thrilled about this development. He immediately dispatched his legal team to clean up the mess, an the story no longer appears.

A cease and desist letter was sent to TheDirty.com explaining that Terrell Owens "unknowingly walked into" the sticky situation. Mmm hmm.

Lawyers for the crybaby football star demanded the site take down the pics of Terrell and implicitly "state to the public that these photographs linking Mr. Owens to porn were not done with his consent."

As much as it sounds absurd that he could walk onto the set of a porno by mistake, we must keep in mind that this took place in South Beach.

Maybe he's telling the truth ... and we need a Florida vacation about now.

And to think, Paulina James thought she had the celebrity porn movie world all to herself.

The adult film star, who will be portraying Lindsay Lohan nude in an upcoming flick, now must deal with the fact this sex-filled spoof won't be the only title of its kind coming out in the near future.

Venom Digital Media is releasing Paris and Nicole Go to Jail in September, a very x-rated version of the thin stars' jail hijinks.

Sindee Jennings and Aubrey Addams (what, was Kendra Jade unavailable?) will be filling the talentless, law-breaking shoes of these socialites, as they find "that life is different on the inside, and at first have trouble adapting, but soon learn how to get things in prison by becoming friendly with the warden, the guards, the inmates."

We think Stavros Niarchos is familiar with how Hilton goes about doing that!

Nicole Richie is pregnant now, of course, so she may wish to keep her future child away from the porn aisles when he or she gets older.

As for her skanky friend, well, a Paris Hilton sex tape is nothing new. This one just won't be starring the spoiled heiress herself is all.

Rumors about Lindsay Lohan nude photos are floating around the Internet.

Until they surface, however, we may need to settle for the following: The adult film geniuses that brought fans Britney Rears and J-Ho are coming out with a new movie in October. Its title? Lindsay HoHand.

Officially called Lindsay HoHand: Get Out of My F**king Way, TMZ reports that this flick features a "pop princess" who "can't seem to stop getting in trouble" and who all of Hollywood regards as "a fun date."

The fictional Lohan will be played by porn star Paulina James, pictured below. Supposedly, she'll also enjoy a certain penchant for delivering hands-on assistance to the numerous cops that detain her. Calum Best and Harry Morton know what we're talking about!

In a new movie, Paulina James will base her role on Lindsay Lohan naked.

A source at SexZ Pictures admits that "a lot could happen" between now and the time Lohan faces her legal music; and that if she does indeed end up in the slammer, a long and lucrative series of HoHand films could be born.

They may earn more money than any movie not starring Jennifer Toof.

It's been a tough week for guys hoping to ogle their favorite hotties naked.

First, pimp/father Joe Simpson announced there would be no Jessica Simpson nude in a porn star role anytime soon.

Now, it's Scarlett Johansson turning away a similar option.

Despite circulating reports and Jenna Jameson's hopes that the actress is just the right mix of sexy and mysterious, Scarlett Johansson will not play the porn star in the film adaptation of her autobiography. Possibly since she's not skinny enough?

"Scarlett has never seen a script nor been approached about this project," says her rep. "She also has no interest in playing this role."

Maybe Scarlett Johansson could be convinced? Sorry, but a body like that is just made for certain roles. Can't someone talk her into it? Anyway, moving on.

Speaking at the Comic Con convention in San Diego this weekend, Jenna Jameson, 33, said she was smitten with the 22-year-old Johansson after seeing her Golden Globe-nominated turn in the 2003 film Lost in Translation.

"I remember thinking to myself, this girl has such a sexuality without even really trying to be sexy," Jameson said. "I was like, ‘This girl could play me.'"

Though she has met Scarlett Johansson only briefly, Jameson said their encounter left an impression. "I love her," Jameson said. "She's amazing. She's smart, she's funny… stunning."

Jameson said it will be called Heartbreaker, based on Jameson's 2004 book, How to Make Love Like a Porn Star, in which she detailed her rise to stardom in the porn industry.

Casting is crucial, said Jenna Jameson, emphasizing that the film needs more than just a pretty face. You know what she's talking about.

"I don't want someone who's going to go in there and be like bouncing around," she said. "I want someone who can bring some depth."

Alas, the only screening Scarlett is going to make of this kind will be a private one, for reported beau Ryan Reynolds.

How risque Jenna's movie is remains to be seen. Asked if it will be explicit, Jameson said, "It has to be. Not because we want to draw fans. Because I want to tell the true story."

Jenna, let us be the first to recommend Eva Mendes or Megan Fox for the part. They may look nothing like you, but they don't shy away from nude photos!

She may not be Jenna Jameson, but adult film star Kelly Madison is trying to make a name for herself outside the world of threesomes and butt plugs.

The owner of the supposedly popular PornFidelity DVD series appeared on E! Entertainment's Chelsea Lately last night to discuss celebrity gossip, news and more.

The program is a half-hour, late-night show that takes an irreverent look at news and celebrity stories. Host Chelsea Handler interviewed both Madison and her husband Ryan about their marriage, their open relationship and their porn career together.

Readers have heard of Jenna Jameson and Kendra Jade, but Kelly Madison is trying to go from porn to mainstream, as well.

Before going on, Kelly said "we just plan on talking with Chelsea about our lifestyle and our relationship... I hope to delve into why most Hollywood couples can't stay together and why adult couples seem to last longer. I think, with relationships in the adult industry, the cat is already out of the bag, no mystery."

So that's the key! If Kim Porter and Diddy has just shot adult movies together, they'd still be a couple.

Makes us wonder why Ray J and Kim Kardashian didn't last.

Kelly continued: "We do shoots and work together, whereas Hollywood stars tend to go off by themselves and are forced to work with people they may or may not spark a romantic relationship with. Professionally and romantically, Ryan and I have an open relationship."

Sounds like that means Madison - and her supposedly natural 34 FFs that make the late boobs of Anna Nicole Smith seem tiny - are available. For the occasional bedroom games, at least.

While Kelly enjoys talking about celebs in the news and offering her insight, she's also a businesswoman. She handles the finances of her rapidly growing adult enterprise, and attributes that growth to the couple's sexual and fiscal prowess.

"I try to promote and support the adult industry as much as possible," Madison said. "It's done well for me financially, and I have always been thankful for my success."

Sounds like a different, often-nude Madison, Playboy's Holly Madison, could learn a thing or two from Kelly.