Anne Heche Gossip

Crazy Anne Heche has reached a divorce settlement with her ex-husband Coley Laffoon in which she must pay a lump sum of $275,000, along with $3,700 a month in child support for their six-year-old son, Homer.

A judge also ruled that she must pay 75 percent of Homer's private-school tuition. They agreed to split the cost of any extracurricular activities.

The two wed in 2001. Prior to that, Anne Heche liked girls. Laffon filed for divorce in February of this year, citing irreconcilable differences.

Soon after, Heche accused him of frequenting strip clubs, watching porn, being addicted to online poker and being a deadbeat dad in general.

Well, he's got plenty of money to double down with now!

The dirtbag fired back in court papers, saying she's insane and her "credibility should be called into question as a result of her mental instability."

Hard to argue with you there, Coleman Laffoon.

When Anne Heche left her husband Coley Laffoon for her Men in Trees co-star James Tupper in 2006, ending his marriage as well... no one batted an eye.

Come on. It's Anne Heche. The woman did the impossible and changed teams, to borrow a classic Seinfeld quote. What's a little infidelity and home-wrecking?

Lately, though, Heche is doing what she can to make her new life with James Tupper normal: "We're so much more comfortable now that our feelings are exposed and everybody knows about them," she told Extra.

Anne Heche says that being a couple makes working together easier.

"They're less challenging," she says of her love scenes with hunky James Tupper. "Usually when you're doing a love scene with somebody you're not in love with, it's like you kiss and you kiss and then you think, 'Oh, great.'"

But for Anne Heche and James Tupper, a love scene is downright fun: "When they yell, 'Cut,' we just lay there and wait for the next take to go," she says.

So cute. So will Heche, who has a son with Coley Laffoon, and Tupper start a family of their own? She says: "Gotta leave it open, ya know what I'm saying?"

If the past is any indication, when it comes to Anne Heche, anything goes.

Despite their very strange relationship, we wish this couple the best. These hot co-stars are like a Men in Trees version of Sabrina Bryan and Mark Ballas.

From Britney and Kevin to the Tommy Lee-Kid Rock fight to that crazy lesbian Anne Heche, the spectacle of a public, bitter celebrity divorces sure is certainly one to behold. Here's The Hollywood Gossip's field guide to some of the major celebrities whose nuptials have unraveled before our eyes.

KEVIN FEDERLINE vs. BRITNEY SPEARS

He says: Not a lot. Because he has a good lawyer, and she says it all for him by parading around Hollywood clubs in no pants.
She says: He's "the biggest mistake she ever made" (and a stoner with no income).
Custody (of the kids): Currently 50-50, though FedEx is seeking a higher ratio of time with Sean and Jayden. Britney Spears' antics make that a distinct possibility.
Custody (of the fans): Kevin, we think. But only by attrition.

PAUL McCARTNEY vs. HEATHER MILLS

He says: She's got "personality issues," possibly code for "she used to be a high-priced call girl who serviced Arab arms dealers.
She says: The Beatles legend used to slap her around a little.
Custody (of the kids): Amicably shared, of daughter Beatrice.
Custody (of the fans): Paul by a wide margin across the Atlantic, but Mills won millions of fans stateside with her turn on Dancing with the Stars. A one-legged former hooker and "instructional sex tape" star, what's not to love?

COLEY LAFFOON vs. ANNE HECHE

He says: Anne Heche a frickin' nut!
She says: Coley Laffoon is a deadbeat who is addicted to porn, strippers and poker, as well as downloading sexual photos online.
Custody (of the kids): Bitterly contested, but split evenly, of son Homer.
Custody (of the fans): We gotta side with Laffoon, if only because he has no money and Heche had an affair with the equally-married James Tupper.

EMINEM vs. KIM MATHERS

He says: "I'd rather have a baby through my penis than get married again," Eminem said in 2002, after getting a divorce from Kim, who he was married to from 1999-2001. Note: He got married again. To Kim. In 2006. That's over too.
She says: His penis is small, doesn't work.
Custody (of the kids): Changes frequently.
Custody (of the fans): Eminem. Bitch crazy!

TOMMY LEE vs. KID ROCK

Lee (Pamela Anderson's husband for several years) says: Kid Rock is a wuss.
Kid (married to Pamela Anderson for three months in 2006) says: "Tommy Lee said some things that were extremely disrespectful to me."
Custody (of the kids): Tommy and Pam share custody of theirs 50-50. Thank goodness Kid Rock and Anderson did not procreate.
Custody (of the fans): Kid... but talk about a Rock and a head case!

ALEC BALDWIN vs. KIM BASINGER

He says: Kim is a manipulative liar who dedicates most of her live to making him miserable and not allowing him to see daughter Ireland.
She says: Alec and Saddam Hussein are pretty similar.
Custody (of the kids): Almost all Kim, especially after Alec infamously tore Ireland a new one on that gotta-hear-it-to-believe it voicemail.
Custody (of the fans): Alec Baldwin. Sure, he's got some personal issues. But watch this guy on 30 Rock and you just can't stay mad.

Anne Heche and her Men in Trees co-star, James Tupper, recently bought a new home in West Vancouver, where he's living with the actress.

It's a situation he says feels a little like heaven.

The Hollywood Gossip feels a little like puking.

"We are just exploring our relationship and it has been going very well," Tupper tells the Vancouver Sun. "Where is it going? I don't know. Ask me again in a year."

As for their relationship and current situation, James Tupper says, "Canadians are so respectful, they really leave us alone a lot. We have experienced nothing but generosity and openness."

Before returning to work on Season 2 of the ABC show about a big city therapist in a small Alaskan town, Tupper and Heche spent some quality time together.

Specifically, they spent three-and-a-half months in Los Angeles with Homer, Anne Heche's 5-year-old son.

Homer's father is Coleman Laffoon, also known as Coley Laffoon, a camera guy who is involved in a bitter dispute over child / spousal support and custody.

The gist: He says Heche is mentally unstable, while she says he is addicted to gambling and strippers and spanking it to online sex photos.

"He is unbelievable," Tupper says (of Homer, not Laffoon).

"We had a cast baseball game on the weekend and he came off and slugged it over the short stop. He has got a preternatural swing."

It was while shooting the show that James Tupper and Anne Heche first became friends who, he says, kept very clear boundaries.

"In that friendship, we kind of discovered we saw the world in a somewhat similar way," says Tupper, originally from Nova Scotia. "I think we both made decisions that were based on the relationships we were in. "

Despite rumors that Heche again likes girls, their friendship eventually blossomed into something more, and the couple started dating last January, Tupper confirms.

"I wish people could meet her in person," the smitten star says. "She has such a sparkle, such a love for people. She works so hard. She is so dedicated to all the good things."

First, it was strippers and porn. Then gambling and choking of the proverbial chicken.

Now it's a footstool, rugs and a king-size bed that have taken center stage in the divorce case of Anne Heche and estranged buffoon Coley Laffoon.

In documents filed in L.A. Superior Court, Coleman "Coley" Laffoon accuses Anne Heche of taking a number of items - including the master bedroom and yoga-room rugs - from the L.A. home they share.

Under the terms of a judge's temporary order, they alternate use of the house they share whenever Heche is in L.A. That's about as normal as Britney Spears' relationship with her mom.

Coley Laffoon is now asking that the court order the actress to return the property and prohibit her from removing any more items.

Laffoon also alleges that when he returned to the home July 1 and found the furniture missing, he "discovered that [Anne Heche] had gone into my closet and ripped the buttons off of 19 of my shirts and removed some of my pants."

As crazy as Anne Heche clearly is, come on man. Who needs pants when you just sit around and download nude celebrity photos online and ... well, you know.

You know what we're saying, right, Kevin Blatt?

Anne Heche denies Laffoon's claims, and says that all the items she took - her list includes four pillows from Bali, pink bedding and a "picture of saint" - were hers.

"All of the furniture, furnishings, artwork, etc. that was acquired during marriage and paid for with funds earned during the marriage remains at the home," she says in court papers.

The furniture fracas comes weeks after a judge ruled the former couple's 5-year-old son Homer will live with his loser father in L.A. while Heche films Men in Trees in Canada.

He will have alternate weekend visits with Anne Heche, a one-time and possibly future lesbian, while she shoots the ABC show.

Laffoon, 33, a former videographer who married Heche in 2001, filed for divorce in February, triggering a war of words and custody dispute.

He has questioned Heche's lack of parenting and sanity, and accused the actress of resorting to lies to win custody of - and destroy his relationship with - their son.

Heche, who is dating her Men In Trees co-star, James Tupper, has defended her parenting and accused Laffoon of making outrageous financial demands.

The son of Anne Heche will live with his father, Coley Laffoon, in Los Angeles while the actress works in Canada, a judge ruled in the strange actress' bitter divorce case.

Under the temporary arrangement, Anne Heche, who had asked to have 5-year-old Homer live with her and attend school in Vancouver, will have alternate weekend visitation rights while the ABC show shoots.

When she returns to Los Angeles after filming ends, she and her estranged husband, Coley Laffoon, will have joint custody pending the outcome of their divorce trial.

Men in Trees, which stars Heche and her current boyfriend, James Tupper, begins filming in Canada in mid-July and will wrap up around next March.

The custody arrangement was approved by the Superior Court judge in a closed-door hearing Monday, according to lawyers in the case.

"Coley Laffoon is pleased with the result of the hearing," his attorney, Jon Summers, tells People, adding that Laffoon was awarded an undisclosed amount of child and spousal support.

"Homer is going to remain in Los Angeles and attend school here."

Laffoon, 33, filed for divorce in February, triggering a brutal custody dispute. He has questioned Heche's sanity and parenting skills, accusing the actress of resorting to lies to win custody of and destroy his relationship with their son.

Someone's gotta get Coley and Alec Baldwin together for some drinks.

The former videographer, who says he was making just $6,000 a year when he quit his job to take care of Homer, sought primary custody and at least $33,000 a month in support, according to court papers.

Heche, who has defended her parenting, has claimed he was actually seeking $45,000 a month and that his cravings for strippers, poker and masturbating to online porn kept him from properly raising Homer.

Well, those are some concerns. Talk about a rock and a hard place! And to think we thought Jayden James Federline had some screwed up parents!

It seems the messy divorce between Anne Heche and Coleman "Coley" Laffoon is driving her to seek the company of women.

Granted, this is Anne Heche. But it always says a lot about the quality of a man when his lover and former spouse abandons the entire gender, seeking shelter in the arms of her own sex.

Not that we have any problems with girl-on-girl action here at The Gossip.

But still, way to blow it for the team, Coley Laffoon, you ass clown.

In any case, here's how this rumor got started. On Saturday, Anne Heche was seen "getting very cozy" with club promoter Voula Duval at the Gramercy Park Hotel's Rose Bar in New York City, the New York Post reports.

Then, Sunday night, Heche was spotted flirting with Six Degrees star Shiri Appleby, 28, at a Tony Awards after-party at Bryant Park Hotel.

Sadly, Shiri Appleby's Six Degrees co-star, Bridget Moynahan, wasn't there, though she is single now! Call her up, Anne! You gotta try to move in on that!

A rep for Heche, who dated Ellen DeGeneres before she married the buffoon Laffoon, did not return phone calls seeking comment on her supposedly changing jerseys again.

Very interesting, these lesbian rumors. Never mind the fact that Heche is reportedly dating James Tupper, her co-star on Men In Trees, and by all accounts a heterosexual male. Wonder what his take on this celebrity gossip is.

In any case, the gist of the divorce battle between Heche and Laffoon, which involves a dispute over custody over their five-year-old son, Homer:

• Coley Lafoon says Anne Heche is insane.
• Anne Heche says Coley Laffoon is an absentee parent who is addicted to poker, strippers, masturbating and downloading sex photos online.

Yeah. Suffice it to say, these two are making the divorce proceedings of Marilyn Manson and former spouse Dita Von Teese seem downright civil.

Incensed by recent rumors about his parenting ability, Coley Laffoon would like to take this opportunity to beat off. Outrageous allegations from Anne Heche.

Heche's soon-to-be-ex husband is out to set the record straight in their ongoing custody battle. First order of business? Establishing that he's no chicken-choking addict.

Second point: Anne Heche is just plain nuts!

One of the weirdest celebrity custody battles got even crazier today, when Coley Laffoon filed a response to Anne's allegations - that he is addicted to poker, strippers and masturbating to Internet porn.

In the documents, Coley Laffoon admits that he has occasionally checked out a few XXX sites, but only "when we were together."

Neither elaborated as to whether Coley prefers more tasteful Playboy-style spreads, such as the new one featuring a nude Amanda Beard, or kinkier stuff.

Anyway. Coley Laffoon says in response to his ex's remarks that it's Anne Heche who is certifiably insane - as publicized in her own autobiography titled... "Call Me Crazy."

Sorry to break this news, Britney Spears. We know you wanted to call your long-awaited autobiographical tell-all by that very same name.

Coley Laffoon claims that in the book, Heche "describes how she went to Fresno by herself after taking one pill of ecstasy, because she received a message from God that a spaceship was going to be meeting her there and taking her away."

Okay, we'd like to apologize to Britney Spears. Not even she can be considered in the same league as Heche. We pity you, James Tupper, even if you're just in it for ratings.

The jabs continue throughout the documents, with highlights including accusations of drunken arguments, manipulation, lies and strip club visits. No elaboration on whether Laffoon ever visited any of the clubs Joslyn Noel Morse performed at.

We can only hope that Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag actually make it to the altar... because their divorce battle would be something to behold.

Coley Laffoon says Anne Heche is insane.

Now, the former lesbian has allegations of her own.

Firing back in her divorce case, Anne Heche has asked for full custody of her son, Homer, and claims Coley Laffoon, her ex-husband, craves porn, poker and money.

Anne Heche says in court papers that although Laffoon claims he's this nice stay-at-home dad, he actually leaves the 5-year-old "with nannies and babysitters, while he plays ping-pong, backgammon and poker and looks at Internet porn."

Ah, sweet memories of country star and Dancing with the Stars competitor Sara Evans and her perverted, cheating husband, Craig Schelske.

"He holds a poker game at his home every Thursday night and allows Homer to participate," the Men in Trees star says in a L.A. Superior Court filing released Thursday.

She adds that Coley Laffoon bragged to cast members of her show, taped in Vancouver, that he "knew each strip joint in town."

Heche asks the judge to grant her sole legal and physical custody of their son, to give Laffoon visitation, and to deny his request for support.

In what is shaping up to be a rift along the lines of what Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger are going through, the judge can expect arguments from each side that the other parent is psychologically unfit.

In his court filing last week, Coley Laffoon, 33, said that Anne Heche, 37, who's now with co-star James Tupper, demonstrates "bizarre and delusional behavior."

"I have serious concerns about whether she is psychologically capable of caring for Homer for an extended period of time,"says Laffoon, who filed for divorce in February.

THG NOTE: Only Anne Heche would marry somebody named Coley Laffoon. It just fits, for reasons we can't explain. Much like Kellie Pickler dating an "Eskimo" named Jordin Tootoo.

Laffoon, a former videographer, says he quit a $6,000-a-year job to take care of Homer, and is seeking primary custody and at least $33,000 a month in support.

Anne Heche claims that he's actually seeking $45,000 a month.

Laffoon's lawyer, Jon S. Summers, says "any suggestion that the statements were financially motivated is not only false, it's obscene."

In court papers, Laffoon writes that he is entitled to child and spousal support "in the amount sufficient to maintain the marital standard of living and child support consistent with (Heche's) income."

Here's hoping he joins the ranks of Kevin Federline and other deadbeat ex-spouses across this great nation.

You may not know who Coley Laffoon is, but surely the latter half of this headline doesn't come as a huge shock to you.

Laffoon, Anne Heche's absurdly-named, soon-to-be-ex-hubby, claims that he's worried that the actress isn't psychologically capable of caring for their son... and says she refuses to see a shrink!

In court papers filed this month in L.A. County Superior Court, Coley Laffoon asks a judge for joint custody of the couple's 5-year-old son, Homer, and claims that Heche may be unfit for parenthood.

Specifically, he says that the "bizarre, delusional behavior" and "poor parenting skills" of Heche, who once dated Ellen DeGeneres, could be a problem.

In the papers, Laffoon claims that Anne eschews car seats like Britney Spears, and that she often cusses in front of the child, as well as routinely packing school lunches that Homer "did not like."

Laffoon believes that his prior experience as a nanny and a summer camp counselor justify giving him joint custody. It may also justify him as a Grade A tool.

Laffoon is also asking for $33,000 a month in spousal support, even though he claims he only made $6,000 a year as a videographer before the two were married.

Anne Heche makes $81,000 an episode for her role in "Men In Trees."

Laffoon filed for divorce February 2, 2007. Right around that time, his formerly lesbian wife took up with her co-star, James Tupper. Rumors that Heche and Tupper were more than co-stars surfaced even before the divorce filing.

A spokesperson for Anne Heche released the following statement:

It is disappointing that Coley Laffoon has resorted to filing lies with the court because Anne Heche would not cave in to his astronomical monetary demands, including his demand for $45,000 a month in support. For the past several years, the child's father has refused to get a job in order to contribute financially to the child's care.

Wow. These two loons might not be entering Bobby Brown / Whitney Houston territory, but let's just say our staff feels sorry for poor little Homer.

And not just because his name is Homer. His parents are nuts.