Farrah Abraham "Celebrity Sex Tape" Highlights: The Erotic Novel of Your Dreams/Nightmares!

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It's here. After months of breathless anticipation, we finally have our first preview of Celebrity Sex Tape: In the Making the erotic novel "written" by Farrah Abraham, and it's ...

... every bit as awkward and inane as we had hoped!

Sure, Farrah hasn't read her own book, but that doesn't mean the rest of us can't enjoy the bizarre super sexually-charged drivel churned out by her seemingly drunk ghostwriter:

Kim Kardashian's Sex Tape Sort of Sucked!

It wasn't as titillating as I thought it would be with someone as attractive as Kim. If I ever did a sex tape, I'd want better quality footage for sure.

It wasn't as titillating as I thought it would be with someone as attractive as Kim. If I ever did a sex tape, I'd want better quality...

According to early reports from those who have read the entire book (poor SOBs), Farrah attempts to arouse the reader and establish herself as some kind of sex goddess.

At the same time, she casts herself as the victim and condemning the porn industry - a total contradiction, yet not at all shocking given the source.

Not surprisingly, she doesn't quite pull it off and the book (the first installment in a planned trilogy) ends up being more confusing than stimulating.

Check out the gallery above for some highlights from Farrah's literary debut. WARNING: the phrases "sex warrior" and "swimming with semen" are used in an entirely non-joking fashion.

Farrah, of course, doesn't use any real names in recounting her own experiences making the Farrah Abraham sex tape or working in the adult film industry.

She uses "Fallon Opal" as a stand-in for herself and replaces her co-star James Deen with "Jimmy Heinz." (We're guessing she was putting ketchup on her breakfast sandwich when she came up with that one.)

In a way, the novel is the perfect medium for compulsive liar Farrah.

She can tell a totally BS version of her own story and whenever anyone calls her out for lying (as they always do), she can hide behind the "Duh, it's fiction!" excuse.

We can't believe we're saying this, but it's a pretty smart move on her part. 

Farrah 2: Backdoor and More Pic
Farrah Abraham in a still photo from Backdoor and More. As you can tell we've cropped it for obvious reasons.

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I'm guessing from your tone you're from the Westboro Baptist Church, right?

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Childstars making backdoor porn and making false rape allegations, is nothing to boast about. Nothing prudish about being disgusted. Europe sounds vile with you as spokesman

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why isn't this in europe? we aren't that prudish & we went through this in the 20th century.

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