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Channing Tatum says he’s a high-functioning alcoholic, but if he makes a habit of engaging in the sort of antics he described to GQ recently, it may be time to drop the “high-functioning” part of the description.

While filming the 2006 movie A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints, Channing hung out with Shia LaBeouf and the two young actors tested each other’s mettle with a night of escalating dares and serious boozing: 

“We were drinking,” Channing’s tale begins (we’re guessing a lot of his stories start that way). “I think our initial thing was, ‘Alright let’s go out and get in a fight!’ This was just young dumb, idiot actors thinking that’s what’s going to bond us.”

We’re with you on the “dumb” part Channing. But hold on. While going out with the intention of starting fight is certainly pretty stupid, things get exponentially dumber from there:

“I definitely kicked in a window that night,” says Tatum. “We were just running and throwing trash bags down the street and being stupid. We were trying to be like eighties hoodlums.”

Like we said, pretty stupid. But the award for Dumbest Vandalism Attempt  of the Night definitely goes to LaBeouf:

“I think Shia even punched a cop car,” says Channing. “We weren’t sure if there was a cop in the car but he just punched the window of a cop car.”

Smart stuff. And what’s the state of Channing and Shia’s friendship these days?

“I’ve never seen him since then,” Tatum says of The Beef. “The kid’s an incredible actor…I just wish that he would just act. Just act, man!”

We think the whole world agrees with you on that one, Channing.