Two Chicago neighbors recently had an argument over the loud sex sounds emanating from one of their apartments, and the beef has gone viral.
Because, naturally, they traded passive-aggressive notes on the door, which a third neighbor happened to amusingly notice and post to Reddit:
Frustrated by the noisy sexual sessions next door, a pissed-off neighbor decided to tell off the source of the orgasms with a snarky note on her door.
"I'd appreciate not having to hear every trust (sic) and moan," he writes, in squiggly font, ending with a jab that "Luckily for me, it never lasts very long."
Burrrrrrrrrn. "The girl in 517" then shot back with a note of her own.
Chiding her neighbor for attempted slut-shaming, she confessed that it doesn't last long because she's a pro at solo sex, and advised her to get a vibrator.
The full text of both notes appears after the jump ...
The first note reads: "Could you please put a record on super loud or something when you are F---ING?? I'd really appreciate NOT having to hear every single trust [sic] and moan right through the f---ing wall. And I'm SURE you'd rather not share THAT info with complete strangers. Luckily for me, it never lasts very long."
And the response: "Dear Neighbor, My, my! How lovely to meet you in this incredibly tactful, kind + civilized manner. Did you really need to post your hissyfit on my door like a whiney scarlet letter? ... Your obvious frustration from my pleasure saddens + confuses me. I'm not yelling, or anything terribly disrespectful. Apparently, we have the thinnest walls on Earth because -- I assure you -- the moans you're so upset by are masturbation induced. That's why it "doesn't last very long." I know what I'm doing and porn is free, + I have the best vibrator. I got it at Taboo Taboo [sic] down the street. You should really invest in one -- you sound a bit, uh, tense...
SEX IS NATURAL AND HEALTHY
I am proud of my sexuality, so your attempted SLUT-SHAMING is useless here. Had you approached me n a respectful manner, I would have been happy to oblige. But we all know our rent is exorbitant. I pay enough to do whatever I please in the privacy of my own home. AND PLEASE I SHALL! I suggest you whip out your big girl panties and deal with it.
The girl in 517"
Yeah. You totally got served, grumpy neighbor.
Fortunately, there were no follow-up notes or other updates, and the messages have been taken down from the door, so it appears the point was taken.
Sounds like a ... happy ending.