On last night's Duck Dynasty, employee Martin revealed that he had a date, which the Robertsons naturally had to step in and offer their two cents on.
Jase, Korie and Jessica gave him a mini-makeover, and the true dating Ace in the Hole, Uncle Si, gave him a crash course in dating etiquette.
Who better than Silas Robertson to handle that task?
“Even when you’re eating, don’t let the conversation die," Si advised him ... making parents of young children everywhere die just a little inside.
In a confessional later, Si also dropped great suggestions of "lines that women love," including the gem "Can I have directions ... to your heart?”
Naturally, to help him prepare, Si pretended to be the girl of Martin's affections. "Hello Martin, my name is Tiffany," he said, complete with a feather boa.
Perhaps it was for the best, and not entirely surprising, when Martin told them the morning after that he took absolutely none of their advice.
He was just himself, he said, and earned a second date.
Oh well. Thanks and better luck next time, Si. Player.
Meanwhile, Phil tried to teach his granddaughters to connect with nature instead of iPads, etc. It was predictably cute and very ... Phil.
Some of the best Duck Dynasty quotes from last night:
- "If you like her, you need to put a ring on her." - Si
- "They're already suffering from digital dementia." - Phil
- "Grandkids need to know standard things: How to bait a hook, how to cast a bait, how to bite a little snake in half -- basic child rearing stuff." - Phil
- "Y'all are like snack-eating computer freaks." - Phil
- "If fish were vampires, Si would be like garlic, daylight, and a stake through the heart ... simultaneously." - Si
- "You have a date ... ? Is it Mother's Day?" - Willie
- "Play the game? I was a player before they even invented the game, Jack." - Si
- "I didn't date the girl from the ice cream parlor because she sampled the goods too much ... if you get my drift." - Si
- "He can't 'be himself.' That's like throwin' him to the wolves." - Willie
- "He dresses like a seventh grader ... who hasn't yet discovered deodorant." - Korie
- "His decorating style is kinda like a mix between 'The Brady Bunch' and that killer from 'Silence of the Lambs.'" - Willie
- "We have entered the bowels of bachelorhood." - Jase
- "You're hoarding mustard, and you have an inordinate amount of socks." -Jase
- "You look like a hairy Easter egg." - Si
- "Darlin', you're on fire -- like donut grease." - Si
- "Women are dangerous creatures. They got ragin' hormones, mood swings, lip stick, hairspray ... They got all these little sticky pins in their hair. Hey, you talk about dangerous -- one wrong move? 'Boom!' You're gone." -Si