The moment we've been waiting for finally kame. Sort of.
Kim Kardashian decided to end her marriage to Kris Humphries in last night's season finale of Kourtney & Kim Take New York, a highly anticipated episode even though we're already aware of what happened and this nonsense is all scripted.
That said, we were dying to see it play out on E! But how much of it really did? The answer may surprise you if you missed it. Here's our finale rekap, THG style!
"It's getting to the point where we need to start talking about it," Kris tells Scott Disick, who has somehow become the most sane, normal character on the show. Plus 60.
Kris admits he and Kim "are really weird right now," making us wonder when that was not the case, since they have zero chemistry and nothing in common. Minus 40.
Kris: "We need to get back to what it was." What was it, though? Do tell. Plus 10.
Kim Kardashian: "Sometimes ... I just feel so dead inside because I haven't really been myself here." Oh no, Kim, you're definitely being yourself here. That empty feeling is just your complete lack of personality. Or morals. Minus 90.
"We got lost in the shuffle here," Kris says, admitting he let basketball and training take over, despite the fact that there was no NBA season at the time and he spent most of this KKTNY season standing around doing nothing. Minus 20.Seriously, the guy does nothing except follow Kim around like a lost puppy and go along with whatever fake storyline is the focal point of that week. They had him pretend to care about whether Jonathan Cheban is gay or not, people. Minus 20.
Kim says they owe it to each other to give their marriage everything they have and make an effort to spend more time together. Actions ... words ... Minus 30.
"I am glad Kim and Kris are going to make an effort to spend time together and make sure what the right decision is," Kourtney says, reading a script. Plus 10.
The couple decide to go work out together, which sounds great, until Kris makes fun of Kim for not showing emotion while working out like a real athlete does, at which point Kim gets defensive and decides to leave. Plus 25.
Kim says she used to find his humor cute, but now is thinking she's the one that has changed. Weeks of marriage really do transform people. Minus 40.
Kim and Kris go on a date and the couple has nothing to talk about. Seriously, what on Earth possessed either of them to get married in the first place?
"Kris wants to move all of his stuff to L.A. There's something I don't feel comfortable with, him moving his stuff to my house." They're married! Minus 2,500.
Man, Snoop Dogg's advice to Kris was on point. Plus 775.
Kourtney tells Kim she's being "a bitch" when she tells Kris not to send his stuff to L.A., and Kim cannot believe Kourtney said that in front of Kris, but Plus 500, because at least someone realized and said how absurd this all is.
Kris and Kourtney gang up on Kim, who is having major anxiety attacks. Wow. Plus 90 because, while sad, that's the first genuine emotion of Kim's life!
Khloe calms her sister down, saying, "I just want you to be happy." Plus 15 for not speaking in her lame ass baby voice for once in her freaking life.
"It happened way too fast," Kim cries. "I didn't know him." True. Plus 120.
Scott: "You do realize you're married, right?" Plus 230.
"He's everything on paper that I want, but my heart isn't connecting," Kim says. So, on paper, she wants a guy who pulls down $8 million a year playing pro sports, is relatively good looking and tall. Great values on paper! Minus 400.
"I feel bad for the guy, I changed his whole life," Kim admits. That she did. He gets booed every time he takes the court now! But, he presumably did get to tap that booty a bunch, plus he will get some money from the wedding, so Plus 150.
Scott says Kim is "a hopeless romantic." LOL. Okay, easy now. Minus 80.
"No matter what happens with Kris and I, we shared something really special. Something only he and I can understand," Kim says. STFU you moron. Minus 1,100.
Kim and Kris finally leave New York and Kim says, "I never want to come back." She just wants to get home and figure out her life. Minus Kris. Ouch.
"I wanted to be married by 30 and everything I envisioned my life to be is not the fairy tale I wanted it to be," Kim laments, like anyone believes a word she says or frankly cares after she's manipulated the public so hard. Minus 450.
BUT, we never see the actual split, because, as Kim says of dumping Kris off camera "There comes a time where you handle your issues privately." Wow. The first and last smart thing she's ever said. Too little too late, but Plus 1,000.
EPISODE TOTAL: -1,900. SEASON TOTAL: -6,155.