They may read like something the THG staff made up, but these spoilers for tomorrow night's Dancing With the Stars premiere are legitimate and pretty classic.
Monday's most shocking debut, from Bristol Palin and Mark Ballas, will be a Cha Cha Cha set to the music of Three Dog Night's "Mama Told Me (Not to Come)."
LOLOLOL. Levi? You listening man?
Sarah might want to run away from tomorrow's performance ...
That would be hilarious enough, but apparently during the dance, Bristol Palin will rip off "tear-away clothes" as her mother, Sarah Palin, sits in the audience.
What a tremendous ambassador for abstinence and teen pregnancy prevention.
This could be amazing stuff. For every routine set to take place Monday, follow the jump for our full list of tomorrow night's Dancing With the Stars spoilers ...
- Audrina Patridge and Tony Dovalani (Cha Cha Cha), "California Gurls"
- Bristol Palin and Mark Ballas (Cha Cha Cha), "Mama Told Me Not to Come" -- Margaret Cho and Louis Van Amstel -- Viennese Waltz -- "We are the Champions"
- Jennifer Grey and Derek Hough (Viennese Waltz), "These Arms of Mine"
- Florence Henderson and Corky Ballas (Cha Cha Cha), "Kiss Me Honey Honey Kiss Me"
- Brandy and Maks Chmerkovskiy (Viennese Waltz), "Cry Me Out"
- Kurt Warner and Anna Trebunskaya (Viennese Waltz), "This Ain't a Love Song"
- Kyle Massey and Lacey Schwimmer (Cha Cha Cha), "My First Kiss"
- Rick Fox and Cheryl Burke (Viennese Waltz), "Crazy"
- David Hasselhoff and Kym Johnson (Cha Cha Cha), "Sex Bomb"
- Michael Bolton and Chelsie Hightower (Viennese Waltz), "Life After You"
- The Situation and Karina Smirnoff (Cha Cha Cha), "Break Your Heart"
Who are you rooting for on Dancing With the Stars?