The Hills Recap: Make Up to Throw Up

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Somebody please explain this one to us, if you don't mind.

At what point did Justin-Bobby become more than a transient figure, but a guy The Hills is based around, with Kristin Cavallari and Audrina Patridge smitten?

What is the appeal of this guy? What woman doesn't love a mysterious, shady individual morally opposed to haircuts, bathing, working or speaking coherently?

It is useless to resist.

Audrina Patridge proved again that she cannot quit him, casting Ryan Cabrera aside. Meanwhile, Kristin brought the ruckus to that psycho b!tch Allie Lutz.

Here's THG's recap of Tuesday's The Hills, "Make Up to Break Up" ...

FEEL THE MAGIC: A scene straight out of a Lifetime film.

Audrina has weighed the pros and cons with Ryan, and it's not gonna work. We're imagining her writing an actual list. Pros: Nice, rich. Cons: Hair? Minus 4.

Kristin and Lo are bummed about Audrina's feelings toward Ryan. Plus 5, because they know he deserves better and that Justin-Bobby is a waste of space.

From the moment Brody Jenner arrives at the club, Kristin and he flirt relentlessly. Hot. Plus 3, because you might as well cue the adult film soundtrack now.

Sleazy T sighting! Plus 2.

Brody says McKaela Line is crazy for bringing Allie Lutz around. Minus 8, because McKaela Line and her connection to the crew are clearly fabricated by MTV.

Allie spots Kristin across the club and tries to make amends, but Kristin calls her and their awesomely snarky confrontation almost gets physical. Plus 12.

Bitch Please

BITCH PLEASE: Kristin Cavallari will bring it, Allie Lutz. Step. Away.

Kristin shows up at Smashbox to meet Lo for lunch and is fake surprised to see McKaela there. Wow, can you BELIEVE the coincidental run-ins on this show? Plus 7.

Ryan Cabrera asks Audrina why she left his show early and she says it's just too hard for her to hear him sing, 'cause the feelings just aren't there. Weak. Minus 8.

No Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. Again. Minus 10.

Kristin invites Justin to Audrina's b-day party for reasons unknown. Minus 5. Weren't these two supposedly together at the end of last season? That fizzled fast.

Audrina and Stephanie talk about the difficulties of relationships and the importance of honesty ... except when faking every single scene for a reality show. Plus 3.

Justin-Bobby tells Audrina he's happy where the two of them are now. Sitting at THG World Headquarters writing this, we wish we could say the same. Minus 5.

TOTAL: -8. SEASON: -14.

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