Jason Mesnick and Molly Malaney became the first couple from The Bachelor to walk down the aisle February 27. ABC aired a two-hour special about it last night.
In keeping with our tradition, THG endured the two-freaking-hour extravaganza to recap every bit of the action in our exclusive, highly scientific plus/minus index:
Updates on past stars: Trista and Ryan are going strong; Ed Swiderski and Jillian Harris are doing well; A bunch of peeps we don't remember are there too. Plus 5.
DeAnna Pappas, who Jason once proposed to, is dating Stephen Stagliano, ... the twin of Michael Stagliano from Jillian's season. This is just incestuous. Minus 3.
The stirring Chris Harrison commentary begins with the venerable host-pimp calling this "one of the most anticipated weddings of all time." Of all time! Plus 11.
The Jason Mesnick and Molly Malaney nuptials took place in the driving rain. Minus 4 for missed Alanis Morissette "Ironic" musical tie-in ... okay, maybe Plus 4.
Not even a monsoon could dampen the spirits of Jason and Molly.
In all seriousness, the event was quite romantic. Jason Castro's "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" was a nice touch, and the setting made for great wedding photos. Plus 10.
Molly's dress gets an additional Plus 7 too. Look how beautiful she is.
By the end of the ceremony, they are totally soaked, but Jason and Molly don't seem to care one bit. Those Bachelor hot tub scenes prepared them so well. Plus 4.
Minus 9 for Chris' "Jason and Molly weathered the storm" eye-roller. Do they sit around thinking these up, or is the master of ceremonies that good on the fly?
Gavin DeGraw performs "Follow Through." Fitting. Wonder if Jason and Molly had heard of Gavin DeGraw prior to ABC setting this up? Either way, Plus 3. Good song!
It was a fairy tale moment ... engineered by Mike Fleiss.
The Bachelor is not about love. It is all about ratings. That being said, genuine feelings definitely came out of Jason and Molly's season, and the wedding special did a nice job of showcasing them as a couple in addition to the obligatory filler. Plus 11.
The franchise is still 2-for-19 though. 2-for-19! Minus 10.
Jason and Molly now embark on a South African safari honeymoon, which sounds like an absolute blast, provided Chris is cool crashing on the couch. Plus 7.
Odds of Jake Pavelka and Vienna Girardi taking part in a similar wedding special next season ... or any season? Somewhere around 500:1. Minus 12, Jake.
TOTAL: +24. Congratulations to a happy couple we wish all the best to!