The Hills Recap: "Strike One"

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Last night on The Hills, the gang threw a surprise party for Brody, Speidi bickered over kids, and Kristin and Justin-Bobby's fake relationship took a familiar turn.

As always, The Hollywood Gossip staff looks back the previous night's installment of MTV's hit "reality" show, awarding and deducting points as required ...

Stacie and Kristin go shopping for Brody Jenner's birthday. For sex toys, at the Hustler store. Kristin says Brody is too "vanilla" in the sack. Plus 5 for TMI.

In case you were concerned, the opening scene on the beach makes clear that Justin-Bobby has not become less of a douche since last week. Minus 3.

WTF happened to Stephanie Pratt's face? Bad plastic surgery alert! Minus 4.

Brody's surprise party clearly wasn't a surprise. The camera crew typically gives it away. No negative points, though, because people blow surprises in real life, too, and Plus 1 for Brody's first birthday request: "Frankie, give me a hug!"

Brody is now listed as "Kristin's ex" instead of "Lauren's friend." Plus 2.

Brody and Jayde Nicole, who he straight up calls a "b!tch," get into a major fight at the party for no discernable reason. Plus 3, though, because it's Jayde Nicole, and it's The Hills. The show is nothing without unexplained female implosions.

Audrina agrees to meet a guy named Derek who was Justin's friend, and who Justin always got jealous of because he thought Derek liked her. Hold on a second, Justin-Bobby has friends? Who apparently bathe? We don't buy it. Minus 2.

Speaking of guys who you wouldn't think have friends, Spencer Pratt confides in pal Charlie about Heidi wanting to procreate. Enter neighbor Enzo, and subsequent tube-tying comments by Spencer. All we have to say? Team Enzo! Plus 9.

Justin-Bobby pulls a no-show at Brody's party, ditching Kristin Cavallari. At least he's consistent. Maybe she and Audrina can bond over this. Okay, not really, but Plus 4.

Another Plus 2 for how happy this makes Audrina when she hears about it.

Spence: "Only a true man can wear a beaver-skin hat out to dinner." Minus 3. Seconds later: "Is this a marriage or a dictatorship?" Says the guy who was most overbearing, obsessive-compulsive boyfriend in history. Minus 4.

TOTAL: +10! SEASON TOTAL: +30! The Hills rarely disappoints. Especially when adorable little kids get Spencer all riled up, or that b!tch Kristin gets hers.

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Jessinaus

its like why is holly Best friends with stacey? you know, the girl from the bar?

Jessinaus

ha ha ha - i agree with Shay, i watch it to be nosy more than anything else

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I don't understand how Kristin and Stephanie went from fighting last episode to hanging out at Kristin's place (with Kristin's friend) in this episode. Are they friends now?

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Why are you being so patronising? We don't use that term in England. But thanks anyway!

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Aww and who doesn't know what the vanilla comment means, that Kristin refers Brody to??? Babe, vanillia's like ready salted, it's plain. You can add flavours to them to spice them up, but on there own, they're not saying much. x

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This show is so boring I don't know how it gets any plus'. Like How? It's shocking. I feel like I'm watching it to be nosey rather than, it being entertaining. Lauren Conrad did make difference to the show. I do like Kristin and was hoping she'd be effective in the show and that Lo would also make her persence felt. They were the stars of Laguna Beach, it should be continued on the Hills. As for Audrina and Stephanie, I just don't get them. They're are like those friends you have that are always waiting for any chance to make drama in their lives and other peoples. They need the attention and Lauren needed the business. Smart girl. Suppose I'll continue watching, but there's not much to watch unfortunately.

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MTV are really going for the lowest common denomenator by labelling Kristin a bitch. What a neat little label to stick on someone. She is just a normal girl, with her good and bad points. What I saw of Lauren and her incessant need to be apologized to was much bitchier than anything that Kristin has done.

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What does the vanilla comment that Kristen makes mean?

Jessinaus

i cant wait for it to being in Australia!!!! :) i think its just funny to watch a "reality show" when you know their acting!

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i am so happy i have never watched this fake **** and i'm not planning on it

Kristin Cavallari Biography

Kristin Cavallari... Nude Kristin Cavallari is a Laguna Beach alumna, controversy magnet, former girlfriend of Brody Jenner and Nick Zano, and celebrity gossip... More »
Born
Birthplace
Denver, Colorado
Full Name
Kristin Elizabeth Cavallari
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