Last night on The Hills, the gang threw a surprise party for Brody, Speidi bickered over kids, and Kristin and Justin-Bobby's fake relationship took a familiar turn.
As always, The Hollywood Gossip staff looks back the previous night's installment of MTV's hit "reality" show, awarding and deducting points as required ...
Stacie and Kristin go shopping for Brody Jenner's birthday. For sex toys, at the Hustler store. Kristin says Brody is too "vanilla" in the sack. Plus 5 for TMI.
In case you were concerned, the opening scene on the beach makes clear that Justin-Bobby has not become less of a douche since last week. Minus 3.
WTF happened to Stephanie Pratt's face? Bad plastic surgery alert! Minus 4.
Brody's surprise party clearly wasn't a surprise. The camera crew typically gives it away. No negative points, though, because people blow surprises in real life, too, and Plus 1 for Brody's first birthday request: "Frankie, give me a hug!"
Brody is now listed as "Kristin's ex" instead of "Lauren's friend." Plus 2.
Brody and Jayde Nicole, who he straight up calls a "b!tch," get into a major fight at the party for no discernable reason. Plus 3, though, because it's Jayde Nicole, and it's The Hills. The show is nothing without unexplained female implosions.
Audrina agrees to meet a guy named Derek who was Justin's friend, and who Justin always got jealous of because he thought Derek liked her. Hold on a second, Justin-Bobby has friends? Who apparently bathe? We don't buy it. Minus 2.
Speaking of guys who you wouldn't think have friends, Spencer Pratt confides in pal Charlie about Heidi wanting to procreate. Enter neighbor Enzo, and subsequent tube-tying comments by Spencer. All we have to say? Team Enzo! Plus 9.
Justin-Bobby pulls a no-show at Brody's party, ditching Kristin Cavallari. At least he's consistent. Maybe she and Audrina can bond over this. Okay, not really, but Plus 4.
Another Plus 2 for how happy this makes Audrina when she hears about it.
Spence: "Only a true man can wear a beaver-skin hat out to dinner." Minus 3. Seconds later: "Is this a marriage or a dictatorship?" Says the guy who was most overbearing, obsessive-compulsive boyfriend in history. Minus 4.
TOTAL: +10! SEASON TOTAL: +30! The Hills rarely disappoints. Especially when adorable little kids get Spencer all riled up, or that b!tch Kristin gets hers.
Share
15 Comments
October 14th, 2009 2:16 PM
Do a lot of people watch this show? Not many of my friends watch it and it doesn't seem too interesting.
October 14th, 2009 2:55 PM
Kristin is such a bitch I cannot stand her
October 14th, 2009 2:59 PM
"Frankie, give me a hug!" aww!!
yey about jayde :) no-one likes her hahaha
^^loads of my friends and i watch it haha
+30!! so much better than the city ;)
love it :)
October 14th, 2009 3:26 PM
I can't wait for this to start in the uk!
October 14th, 2009 6:32 PM
there gay
October 14th, 2009 8:24 PM
i am so happy i have never watched this fake **** and i'm not planning on it
October 14th, 2009 11:15 PM
i cant wait for it to being in Australia!!!! :) i think its just funny to watch a "reality show" when you know their acting!
October 15th, 2009 11:37 AM
What does the vanilla comment that Kristen makes mean?
October 15th, 2009 1:48 PM
MTV are really going for the lowest common denomenator by labelling Kristin a bitch. What a neat little label to stick on someone. She is just a normal girl, with her good and bad points. What I saw of Lauren and her incessant need to be apologized to was much bitchier than anything that Kristin has done.
October 16th, 2009 3:59 AM
This show is so boring I don't know how it gets any plus'. Like How? It's shocking. I feel like I'm watching it to be nosey rather than, it being entertaining.
Lauren Conrad did make difference to the show. I do like Kristin and was hoping she'd be effective in the show and that Lo would also make her persence felt. They were the stars of Laguna Beach, it should be continued on the Hills.
As for Audrina and Stephanie, I just don't get them. They're are like those friends you have that are always waiting for any chance to make drama in their lives and other peoples. They need the attention and Lauren needed the business. Smart girl.
Suppose I'll continue watching, but there's not much to watch unfortunately.